The Nanny
by Zosie
Summary: Edward and Bella. After the happy ever after, what if life isn't as perfect as they imagine it will be?  How hard would you fight for the most important dreams you have?
1. Chapter 1

**Strictly speaking, this is not a new story. It's one of the first I wrote and I was writing it at the magazine I worked for at the time, (let's say in my lunch breaks), and my boss read it one day and asked to publish it so I had to take it down from here. The style it was written in was similar to 500 Days of Summer, the movie, so a lot of readers found that distracting, the timeline was random so you never knew which part happened when, so I got permission to rewrite it here again so long as I change one character (Tanya's out, Bree is in) and write it chronologically, more or less, without referring to my old docs. There may be flashbacks. Basically it's the same story line rewritten completely with all new words,lol. I don't remember what it was called here, it was renamed for the magazine, but readers who have asked me to put it back up call it The Nanny story so that's it's new title. If you read it back then, please don't give anything away in your reviews. My first reader, Mandee, encouraged me so much back then, I only ever intended writing one ****story but she kept telling me to write more, that I had many stories in my twisted little brain,so she is the reason I persist today. I fully intended taking down Row 61 halfway through because I hated it, but she made me finish it and leave it up. This story is not going to be beta'd, Macfaerie has enough to cope with, fixing The Bro Code. We can't have her burn out. Cheers.**

The Nanny

Prologue

(This entire story is written in Edward's point of view, for reasons that will be obvious when it's over.)

Happily ever after, you don't really think that comes with conditions, do you? When you meet the girl of your dreams and miraculously she feels the same about you, and together you overcome all the usual road blocks and win over the parents, then you assume once the rings are exchanged and the vows spoken, that there it is, your future together, perfect, a new beginning.

Not an ending.

I can honestly say I have never felt a high like I felt when I watched Isabella Marie Swan walk down that aisle towards me, it was everything I could ever want and dream about. Sadly, it was not everything she wanted. For Bella, much as she loved me and knew I was The One, there had always been another person necessary to make our lives complete and it was a person I couldn't fight and defeat, because this person did not exist.

Bella's dearest wish from her first childhood memories, was to become a mother, and to her, the whole idea of marriage was about just that. Motherhood, fatherhood, becoming a proper family. She longed to see me with our child in my arms, boy or girl, it didn't matter.

Adoption was never an option. She wanted a mingling of the Swan/Cullen genes, and that was never going to happen for us, we found out after two happy years of marriage, full of trying to make her dream a reality. God knows we enjoyed trying, and if not for the infinite sadness on her face each month as she tossed the Negative pregnancy stick away, we were an amazingly happy couple. We never fought, not once. Not over money, or visiting parents, or who's turn it was to put the trash out. It was as if nothing petty mattered, all that we cared about was getting a Positive result, and really starting our lives.

At first you just assume it will happen, in fact, I had joked with Bella when she was shopping for her perfect wedding gown to make sure she didn't choose anything too fitted as she was probably going to be accompanied down the aisle by our growing infant inside her belly, and she had laughed and said that would make the day absolutely perfect. She did choose a dress in a Juliet style, high waisted, with a gathered skirt, so a few extra pounds and extra inches around her waist would go unnoticed, but sadly, when the day came, she could have gone with slinky and body hugging after all.

And then we were excited at the idea of a Honeymoon baby. What a nice surprise, coming back from three wonderful months of hot sun and endless golden beaches, and making love all day and night, anywhere, everywhere. Outdoors, indoors, in the water, in the tropical gardens of the resort we stayed at, away on day trips to Hawaii's other islands, we joked and laid bets on where conception would occur.

It never crossed our minds it wouldn't happen, nobody got to have that much sex and get away with it, right? Had we still been the teenage lovers we had started as, surely we would have conceived long before we were ready had we been together this often.

Bella was my first, and therefore my only, and I too, was the only boy then man lucky enough to be with her.

Neither of us wanted it to be any other way. We were special, and just knowing I would never meet another male who could look at my wife and snicker "I tapped that" was one of the best parts, really. Plenty of boys had tried, God knows she was always popular and by the time she transferred to Forks High in her Senior Year, that truly was the thing I found the most unbelievable about her. Seventeen years old, stunningly beautiful, yet untouched in every way. Sure, she admitted to having boyfriends in Phoenix, where she had lived with her Mom Renee, and her stepfather, Phil Dwyer, and they had been pretty lax when it came to rules and restrictions so she could have been sleeping round from a young age, in fact, her mother had often encouraged it. She warned Bella not to do as she had done and marry the first boy she slept with, because one day she would regret it and long to experience other men, just as she had after marrying Charlie Swan, her High School sweetheart who had knocked her up in Senior Year and married her the day after they graduated. The day he turned eighteen.

She wanted more for Bella. I could understand that, and I knew what she meant. I myself had imagined myself quite the lad, out there visiting many beds of many girls, getting around sowing my wild oats, not settling down and becoming monogamous and faithful until I met The One.

However, the flaw in that plan was, I met her before I had really even started dating in earnest, so the sleeping around never happened. I had dated two girls, I almost can't even count the first. Her name was Tanya and she is a family friend, her parents have known mine forever and they visited us or we visited them, for our yearly vacation. As we were the same age, we kind of drifted together but nothing more than shy quick kisses and a lot of hand holding ever happened, so I don't know if strictly she even counted.

Then there was Bree, and that's a whole different story.

Don't condemn me because she is Bella's twin sister. It's not like they really even knew each other very well. Renee's pregnancy had resulted in the birth of twin girls who were so alike, the doctor told Charlie they were probably identical. The placenta/s had disintegrated during the delivery, and nobody bothered running any tests to see if the girls were identical or merely very similar looking fraternal twins, nobody really cared, I guess. They had two beautiful baby girls, and that was what mattered.

When their marriage fell apart, Charlie kept Bree, or as she was christened, Gabriella Marie Swan, and Renee left Forks forever, with the other twin, Bella. The girls were just babies, not old enough to even miss one another, and life continued. The Swan family had been halved, and the Dwyer family was a three member partnership from the start.

Bree grew up here in Forks and rarely went away, her visits to Renee were no more than two weeks each Summer break, so I guess she and Bella knew less about one another than most casual friends, or those cousins you see at Christmas but never know the ins and outs of their lives in the short time you spend together.

So you see, it wasn't like other sisters. I never felt any weirdness or guilt for dating them both. Anyway, what Bree and I had was fleeting, we had barely kissed when she announced her twin sister was coming to live with her and Charlie because Phil Dwyer was now in the Major Leagues and had to travel. I knew Bella existed, Bree had a few photos of the two of them together as babies, then one new photo every year after they had their two weeks together, so I had seen Bella grow up in frames and scrapbooks, just never in the flesh, and what flesh it was.

Whereas Bree had been slightly interesting and amusing, Bella was all consuming and I think I forgot my manners from our first meeting. Bree had invited me to her home and this amazing creature had been sitting on the sofa in their sitting room, and she rose and walked towards us, holding out her hand to shake mine. Instead she shook my entire world. I felt myself lift off and spin and drift into space in the seconds it took for us to shake hands, and her touch...I don't know how to describe it because I'm sure it's never happened to anyone else.

It was like a current, a spark, a connection.

Maybe a buzz, maybe a flow of delicious energy. All I can say is, her touch made me suddenly aware of every single cell in my body. I could feel them all, individually, and they were all dancing and singing and longing for this most perfect of girls to keep touching, to touch other parts of me.

I know Charlie cleared his throat several times, and then coughed, then stepped and physically removed his daughter's hand from mine, and he had to do that because there was no way in Hell we would have let go alone.

She was as...entranced? captivated? moved? as I was. Her eyes were deep and soulful and fixed on mine, and I know mine were shining at their greenest in that moment. Her eyes were all I could see, and it took Bree's self conscious laugh and sigh of "fuck, there goes my boyfriend," to bring any awareness back into the room.

I stepped back, embarrassed, confused, I had come home with one sister and immediately connected in such a deeper, larger way with the other, there was never any doubt which one held my heart in her hands.

Bree didn't appear to care, I mean, she and I were very little, really. No more than friends, I decided. I know I was prejudiced and needed to think that way to excuse what was happening, but I truly didn't think Bree was bothered by what clearly just happened.

I've read about imprinting, it happens in some species, but never before in humans, but that's the closest I can get to describing our instant bonding.

My world was suddenly all about Isabella Marie Swan, and hers was all about me.

I lived and breathed Bella, and she never fought it at all. We were everything, and the only problems were how to cope apart, as we had to at night...solved by me climbing in her bedroom window once Charlie was asleep or off at work if he had nightshift...and how to resist sleeping together that very first day, because even at seventeen we knew that was inevitable and right and natural. We somehow waited until our eighteenth birthdays, mercifilly they were close together and only three months past that first meeting, and in the mean time, we did everything bar actual full sex so we both taught and learnt everything together, and our first experience of making love was truly awesome. I knew her body as well as I knew mine by then, and Charlie had bowed to Fate and had Bella prescibed the Pill, by my own father, so there was nothing stopping us.

We dated, if you could label it that, because the word sounds far too casual to describe what we did. We fulfilled one another, completed ourselves, made two souls unite and become one, and although Bella had sparked the interest of many a poor boy at High School and college, they never stood a snowflakes chance in Hell. Nobody and nothing could come between us, that was what we both believed for many years, and when it did, when this little person who didn't even exist, tore us apart, it was as if the world ended.

I cared about nothing and nobody but my Bella. That she cared enough about having a baby to allow it to come between us was a complete tragedy.

We tried everything. We spent hundreds, thousands, going from one fertility expert to another. Finally an exploratory surgery revealed the painful truth. Bella had been cursed from birth with ovaries that could not produce a mature egg. It was that simple and that unfixable. Nothing could change the facts. No drug or operation could help. IVF was impossible without a donor egg and she didn't want some stranger's DNA meeting with my sperm and creating a child, and Bree refused to donate one of her eggs, so that was it. Bella could never have a baby, and for her, that was the dealbreaker.

I admit it was my idea that we had to marry, I just needed to know she was mine in every possible way that existed on Earth. She would have been content to just go on living together, as we had from the day we arrived in NYC to attend NYU. We had never even applied for dorms, we both knew we wanted to live as man and wife from those early days, and we had.

Charlie tried to offer some weak resistance but he knew he didn't stand a chance and my offer to take Bella down the aisle at eighteen, if it made cohabitation more acceptable to him, shut his objections down completely. Maybe he had some insane idea we would burn out. Maybe we would find living together too much reality, but it never happened.

Our breakdown came years later, after the legally binding vows and the wonderful reception and the joys of building our first house, and gaining our degrees, and travelling far and wide together, while we could, before we were tied down with that mythical baby.

The break up was shattering and I knew she loved me as much as ever, and that made it all the more devastating. Maybe had one of us had a change of heart and fallen for someone else, maybe then there would have at least been a tangible reason, but there was nothing.

We went to our meadow, the place we had always escaped to when we needed to get away from everyone and everything else, the place we spoke our wedding vows in, the place we made love for the first time, and many times to follow, the place just beside where our beautiful little cottage stood, empty now. I couldn't live in it any more, not without Bella. She was the heart of the home and she was sitting here, crying and shaking and telling me she had to go.

It wasn't a shock by then, I had kind of figured it out, and was expecting this blasphemous ending, but nothing could prepare me for the utter devastation as we held one another and wept for what we could never be. I would do anything for my Bella, but this was the one thing I couldn't fix and my money was useless. I couldn't mend her, and there was nothing left to do but let her go.

**Please review BUT don't be too harsh on Bella, this is only Edward's POV remember.**


	2. Chapter 2

The Nanny

Chapter 2

Life goes on, believe it or not, and my choices were limited. Curl up and die, or shake myself off and try again.

The first year it was option one, but attending a family Christmas alone was horrific and more than I could cope with. My older brother Emmett and his wife Rosalie announced they were expecting one of those magical tiny creatures that had ended my own marriage. Alice, my sister, then topped that announcement with one of her own. Being my fraternal twin, I guess I should have expected her news. I had already endured her first announcement, months ago, that she was with child. There was only one way it could be better news, or worse, depending on who you are.

She smiled in her usual mysterious way and handed out cards to us all, sealed inside their white envelopes.

"Open them now," she ordered, jumping up and down on her tippytoes. I caught the look she threw at Jasper, her husband, and felt my heart sink even lower. Everyone else hurriedly ripped open their cards and my Mom was the first to voice the inevitable news.

"Twins, Alice! A boy and a girl! just like you and Edward! This scan photo is going onto the fridge. I can't believe it, history is repeating itself. Twins! Carlisle, do you remember the day we found out I was carrying twins?"

My father reached across and put his arm around my mother. "Of course I do, it was the happiest day of my life," he answered, kissing her cheek.

"Oh nice, what was I? Chopped liver?" Emmett snarked good naturedly.

"You were our practice run, we had to learn how to be parents with you, and how to keep you alive and remember to feed you and everything. I was quite the good mother by the time the twins were born," she joked. Emmett knew how much he was loved and so her playful banter had no ill effects. He had been the much celebrated firstborn son and heir, we twins had been merely the icing on the cake.

I decided that very day that I could not, would not, be sitting here next year while my brother and sister played happy families, and no doubt Santa would start visiting the Cullen house again, bringing stockings full of toys for Jasper and Alice's two children and the baby Rose was carrying. I was not going to be the sad and miserable Edward-all-alone, the spare wheel. The sad divorcee with no life and no wife and no hope of bringing my child here too, adding yet another stocking to the row that would appear.

I tried to ignore the sadness in my mother's eyes as she realized not everyone here could celebrate this double happiness and she watched as I casually stood and walked to the french doors, looking out silently on the fresh crop of snow outside, rather than face the smiling faces and cheerful ribbing Jasper was giving Emmett, boasting about how he was the better man, two for one deal conceived first try.

This very scenario was why my Bella had left. She knew it would tear her apart, having to sit and fake a smile and offer congratulations to my siblings as they all started their precious families, and a lifetime of being the watchers, not participants, was more than she could bear. I had argued, saying we had one another and we could handle this type of news as it recurred over and over through the years, but the way I felt now, I knew she was right.

Their joy was my pain.

Their happiness was like hot burning spears piercing into my heart.

There was me, thinking I could no longer feel pain now the ultimate loss had happened to me, and yet I wanted to collapse on the carpet and cry with jealousy and rage at the unfairness of it all. I had nothing, Emmett and Alice were getting more and more. They already had their beloved partners, why did they deserve babies, and not me?

Not my beloved Bella?

I wished I was a better man and could turn and shake hands and say how amazing their news was, but instead I excused myself and went outside, walking in the falling snow, wishing it could obliterate more than just the landscape. In five mere months, if not sooner, my sister would push into the world not one baby but two. Tell me how that's fair.

She and Jasper were more than ecstatic when they found out what they assumed was one single baby was on the way. Now their joy had doubled, and my joy? My joy was far away, living just as sad and empty a life as I was, no doubt. Bella had sworn she would never love anyone but me, and I knew she would keep her word, as pointless as that promise was.

To her, the whole point of life was to fall in love and then give that man a smaller version of himself or of her, to love and raise and it was the meaning of life. She refused to consider staying with me once she knew she was unable to ever fulfill that role and my objections and words of denial had not moved her. She knew how I really felt.

I did love her unconditionally, and in time I would have found a way to accept our childlessness, I'm sure, but she knew because I had told her so many times, that my view was actually the same as hers. I needed a child. Just one would be fine, I wasn't greedy, but I actually mirrored her own beliefs. What was the point of living and being here if there was no son or daughter to carry on your legacy when you were gone?

Sure, I had suggested adoption but she knew, for me, that was not the solution. I wanted my own child and I have regretted telling her that so many times. I said it long before we knew there would never be a child of ours. Friends from High School, Eric and Angela, had married around the same time we did and Angela had always known she could never carry a child. She had failed to start menstruating and after all her friends had crossed that line into womanhood, her mother had taken her to Carlisle at his surgery at the Hospital and he had done some tests and discovered she was born without a uterus.

How ironic that Bella had cried into her pillow, which was me, all night long because her friend would never know the joy of motherhood. A bare year after their marriage, Eric and Angela had adopted a baby girl from China, and Bella had been surprised and intrigued to find she had changed her own mind and maybe adoption was something she could consider, if things didn't work out naturally for us. I will always regret my harsh reply.

"Bella, I want a baby that came from us. That has our genes. I don't want to raise some random child not related to us in any way. What's the point? It would never be ours, not really. Now come here and let's get this baby underway, I feel like this is our lucky month. To the bedroom, woman!"

Maybe had I never spoken those horrid words, she would be here with us all, where she belonged. God knows if I could take those words back I would, a million times.

The family dog, Chester, ran up beside me and I stopped and patted his head.

"Merry Christmas, boy. I'm really sorry now for letting my father have you neutered, all I can say is, back then when you were a pup, I had no idea how important family was. We should have let you father at least one litter. I'm truly sorry about that. Feel like accompanying me for a pity walk? I can't face those happy smiling faces inside. I tell you what, Chester. Today is the day. Either I end it all and just hope we get to go start again in another life after this one, or I buck up and go find myself a girl. I will never love her the way I love Bella, but sometimes a few crumbs are better than starving to death, you know what I mean? Maybe if I had a wife and a kid, I could fake the rest. What do you think,boy?" I asked as I stood on the edge of the cliff, looking down to the thrashing surf below.

I'd always liked living here in this house, river running behind, twisting and turning until it met the cliffs here and tumbled down into the sea. It would be a cold and sad and horrible way to die, unless the chill went though my entire body and numbed the pain, maybe it wouldn't be that bad?

I admit it appealed, the sea seemed to welcome the idea that I fall and become part of it, but while my Bella was alive, I could not leave the world she existed in.

I took out my cellphone and hit the first button. I could picture Bella sitting somewhere warm and sunny, instead of freezing her ass off like I was. Not that it mattered, warm would not dull the hurt and pain our separation had caused.

"Hey love, Merry Christmas," I all but whispered when she answered. Just hearing her voice again sent a jolt right through me, and my heartbeat fastened at her reply.

"Edward, Merry Christmas. Are you with your family?"

"More or less. Chester and I needed to take a walk and get some air."

"Too much happy families?" she asked, knowingly.

"What can I say, you were right. It's impossible to sit there and share their joy."

"Just Alice's joy or has Rose..."

"Yeah, now they are all celebrating. And Alice hit the jackpot. I'll be an uncle three times over by this time next year."

Bella was silent, not answering but I could hear her breathing change and almost feel the tears as they coursed down her cheeks, as I knew they must.

"I'm...I'm happy for them, truly. Now you understand everything?" she sobbed quietly, heartbreakingly.

"I do, Bella, I really do."

"Edward," she continued and I could imagine the frown on her forehead,"what are you going to do?"

I sighed.

"I don't know. I'm sitting on the clifftops asking myself that very question."

"Edward, please, don't do anything reckless. You are loved, so much, by so many people. You have another choice. You can still have it all, everything you want. A wife you love and a baby of your own. You should do that."

"Bella, I love you. I want you. The baby thing...we can find another way. Maybe we could adopt."

"You know you don't want that," she answered.

"I don't know any more. It's killing me being without you. A whole year since I kissed you and held you in my arms, Bella. It's been an eternity of Hell since you left."

"You promised you would do anything for me, Edward. Go find yourself a new wife and have a child and be happy. You know you can do that. You can have it all."

"Is this what you really want me to do?" I asked, because there was no way I could ever tell her to go find someone else, share their bed, have a child with them, were it possible for her.

"It is. Please do it, my love," she answered.

I huffed out a long hot breath and watched it flow like smoke from a cigarette. It was too cold to go swimming, after all. Maybe I could just grow a set and do as she asked.

"Okay, you keep in touch, I need your advice and guidance, I never really asked a girl out on a date before."

"You can do it, and you know she won't say no. Go get her, champ."

I could detect the pain in her voice even though she tried to mask it from me.

"I'm going to do it. Tomorrow."

"Call her now. Get the ball rolling. The sooner you start, the sooner that day comes, the day I dream about. The day you hold your own baby in your arms, Edward."

"I'll call her as soon as we stop talking. How are you, my Bella?" I asked, wanting the truth, not the pretty lie.

"Somedays I wish I was back there, if only because there are no cliffs here. It's not the same. It would be so easy to take that step and just fall. Far easier than having to swim out here in Florida's blue water and never fight to stay on the surface."

"Promise me you will never try anything like that?" I said panicking.

"Edward, I'm coping. More or less. Some days are not so bad. Some days I find myself remembering us and smiling. I tell you, it freaks Renee out. She's used to sullen sulky Bella. Guess what she said the other day? She said she wished she had left me with Charlie and kept Bree, at least she was the happy twin. Even my own mother thinks I'm too much work, Edward."

"Never, no way. I would do anything for you, anything to make you smile again."

"I know, my love. So end this call and call her instead."

"If it will make you happy, my love. Be safe and know I will always love you."

"I know. I love you too," she whispered and cut the connection.

I wiped the tears from my own cheeks and looked at the phone.

"Here goes nothing, Chester." I scrolled through my stored contacts until I found hers. She isn't Bella and never could be but beggars can't be choosers.

"Bree? Merry Christmas. I was wondering if you wanted to go grab a drink somewhere. I have to get out of this house for a while. Great. I'll pick you up in thirty minutes? Cool, see you then."

The sea of family faces all looked up as I returned inside.

"Have a great night. I'll say Good night and Merry Christmas to you all now."

"You're going?" Alice asked, worriedly.

"Yeah, don't fret. I actually have some good news of my own. I have a date."

Nobody spoke at first. I saw many looks of surprise then Emmett finally stood and offered his hand.

"Good one, Edward. I hope you have a good time. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it."

The others unfroze and started agreeing, egging me on.

I avoided Alice's face, knowing she was looking at me in complete and utter disbelief.

**Okay, now you know the basics, please review if you like it and want more. I shall be anxiously waiting to see what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

The Nanny

Chapter 3

I sat in my car and tried to control my breathing. I wished to God that Bree had moved out of the Swan house after she finished college and came back to Forks, because I didn't think I could walk inside and not see the ghost of her sister sitting on that sofa. While I tried to calm my panic, she opened the front door and walked down the driveway toward me, smiling uncertainly.

"Hey Edward, I was surprised to hear from you. Are you sure you want to take me out for a drink? Just so we are clear, this isn't some ruse just to find out about how my sister is, right?"

"No, no," I assured her. "I already talked to Bella earlier today. She's fine," I lied.

"Yeah, well, maybe she is as fine as can be expected, but that's still not fine. How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "I feel like I've been dead for the past twelve months but I know I can't just curl up and wither away at my age. I tell myself it didn't work out, move on. What other choice do I really have, Bree? You know her as well as anyone else. Once she sets her sights on a goal nothing will deflect her. I'm not going to lie and say I don't love her any more because we both know I always will, but she wants me to continue living and not kill myself out of despair, so just be gentle with me and allow me my failings at first, okay?"

Bree grinned and patted my knee.

"Hey, strictly speaking you were mine first," she said, her eyes narrowing and belying her smile. I let it go, I was never hers. True, we dated once or twice but there had never been that connection. We quite enjoyed one another's company but that's as far as it goes and she will never be Bella, no matter how alike they look.

I almost opened her door and told her to go, but remembering my promise to her sister, I plastered a fake smile on my lips and and faced her.  
>"So, what shall we do? Where do you want to go?" I asked.<p>

"Let's go see Jake, I believe the tavern is open today. Maybe there will be some interesting people there," she suggested and I started the car."How's your Dad?" I asked. I avoided Charlie to be honest. I never knew what to say to him and I knew he had the same problem with me. He knew how much I missed Bella, as he did but there was the fact she had been fleeing from me, not him. That meant guilt on my side and anger on his and neither of us wanted to get into it. Arguing and playing the blame game would not change her decision.

Jake looked up and started his usual welcoming smile until he saw it was Bree with me, not Bella as he first thought and his face changed instantly. He glared at me as if I was committing some horrible, unforgivable crime by even being with her, but I ignored the message and stuck out my hand, which he took. His eyes drifted to the girl at my side.

"Edward, nice to see _you,_ funny company you are keeping these days."

"Shut the fuck up, Jake. Think back, who did my sister steal him from in the first place? I know you are Team Bella and think whatever she does is golden, but try and remember the real her. She refused to ever go out with you and never cared if that hurt your feelings. Maybe you mixed up which was the evil twin, did you ever consider that?"

"I don't believe I did. I think I know evil when I see it," Jake sneered.

"Hey, can we have a couple of drinks, Jacob?" I asked, breaking in and trying to cool things down. He turned and grabbed a bottle of beer and placed it on the counter, then changed his mind and waved us away, towards the booths.

"I'll bring them over," he muttered and I grabbed Bree's arm and led her away.

"What's his problem? He grew up with me, not flaming Bella, yet he has always taken her side against me," she snarked.

"Different strokes for different folks. He just clicked with your sister, you know that."

She grimaced. "Clicked? He fell in love with her at first fucking sight, not unlike someone else not a hundred miles from here," she snarled. "What's this all about anyway? I thought you hated me for not helping out my sister?"

"Bree, it's your life and it was your decision. Not everyone believes in egg donation, we know that. We accepted you didn't feel it was right for you. Nobody blames you for the break up."

"That's right and it was my choice, Edward. Why the fuck should Bella get my baby as well as my boyfriend? Didn't she rob me of enough already? Selfish cow. I don't know how you stood her all those years to be honest. At least you have come to your senses now, right?"

I managed a weak smile and looked down at her victorious grin as she gripped onto my arm with both of her hands. I really didn't want to think about her refusal to give my Bella a single egg, it wasn't like Bree had any plans to ever have a child herself. She openly admitted to hating children, though she never called them anything that mild.

"So, what's happening at the Cullen coven? Any more soggy little parasites on the way?"

I bit my lip and then gladly welcomed Jacob's intrusion, grabbing my beer and swallowing it down.

"You could do a hell of a lot better than this bitch," Jake said as he placed Bree's drink on the table out of her reach so she had to lean across to grab it. "What's the story? You had the best so you thought you'd try the worst and see how different twins can be?"

"Jake," I admonished," I know you and Bree have issues but please, we just came in for quiet drink. We can leave if you prefer."

"You are welcome anytime, just leave your dog outside in future," Jake snarled and accepted the note from me. "You want your change or are we being honored with her company for a second round?"

"Keep the change, I think we'll be moving on," I answered. I guess I always knew Bree was the lesser liked of the two but I hadn't encountered any open hostility like this before.

Bree put on an annoying 'baby' tone. "Poor Jakey lost his sand lot buddy. Now he has to play with himself," she snickered nastily.

"You are your mother's daughter, aren't you?" Jake stated and walked away. Jake had been a good friend to Bella over the years and I knew he probably loved her as deeply as I did but I could never hold that against him. I understood completely. Renee had a particular dislike for Jake and had warned Bella off him so often it was surprising she hadn't turned to him just to spite her mother. Maybe had I not been in the picture, that's exactly what would have happened. There was no love lost between the two and Jake's visits to Bella when she lived with her Mom had been tense affairs. Renee was Jake's Mom's best friend but even that had not endeared the boy to her, at all.

She decided early on Jake was not good enough, but I knew Bella never believed that and as I said, had it not been for our romance, I think she may well have chosen Jake.

"Oh Jake, you love me really," Bree laughed but from the look on his face, that was far from the truth.

We finished our drinks and I suggested we leave and head for La Push beach, I love the beach when it snows. Such opposites, it's so weird seeing snow fall on the sand and be washed away by the tide. You think of beaches and automatically think of sun and warmth but La Push is definitely not your typical beach, especially in Winter.

Bree seemed to want to argue but she changed her mind and came along quietly, and the crash of the surf made it hard to converse so we got along fine. I found it hard to believe she was Bella's twin, she was definitely the other side of the coin, Jake was right about that.

But she was Bella's twin, that was the only important thing.

I tuned out as she told me the latest gossip of the people we had attended school with, not really interested in her love for sharing everyone else's business, and was glad when we reached the little coffee shop beside the carpark again.

"Coffee?" I asked, hoping she would choose to eat as well, because I was getting a headache and just needed her to shut up for a while.

Luckily the walk had made her hungry and she feasted on a plate full of various cakes and pastries while I sipped on a coffee and massaged my temples.

"So, where are we going tonight? I think the new club is open despite it being family time and all that, should we go?" she asked and I considered my answer.

I should push on and take her, but my head was pounding already."Maybe tomorrow night? I have a splitting headache and anyway, I really should spend some time with my siblings while they have time off. We all work so much it's rare for us all to have the same day free," I explained and she pouted.

"Okay, I guess Tyler will take me, he gets off at eleven tonight," she answered and I gave in and took some pain relief and smiled at her.

"How about this? If I can shift this headache before it turns into a migraine, I'll come pick you up. If I'm not there by eleven, go with Tyler. Deal?"

"Sure, okay. Maybe if we go home now, you can sleep it off and be all recharged for tonight," she suggested and I walked to the car and opened her door for her.

"Oh such a gentleman, and a doctor to boot, I'm onto a winner. How long until you are free to open your own practice?" she asked, a little too interested.

"I have one year to go, then I can work wherever I like. I may stay at the hospital though. I don't know that Forks needs another clinic."

"But that's where the money is, working for yourself."

I shrugged, I preferred job satisfaction over a high income but then, it's easy to say that when you grow up with money. It's different for others, they have to do what's financially best for their families. And Charlie had spent his life counting nickels and dimes, on a police chief's salary. I dare say I looked like a good catch to Bree.

She kissed me briefly when we got to Charlie's and ran inside and I gratefully drove home and flopped on the bed in my old bedroom, still unchanged from years before. Photos of Bella and myself together smiled down on me as I drifted into a pain hazed sleep.

My sister was sitting beside me when I awoke and I cringed at what I knew was coming.

"What the fuck, Edward? Tell me you are not doing what I think you are doing."

"Okay, if you think I'm dating Bree, then you are right, if not, then I can tell you I'm not doing what you are thinking."

"Why? Why would you do this? You know she isn't a very nice person. Look how she refused to help Bella. She could have saved your marriage."

"I am aware of that. Bree is free to choose to do whatever she wants, she wsn't obligated to help her sister. They were never close."

"Hmm, I just don't get it. Tell me the truth, brother, what's your interest in Bree? It can't be just that she looks like Bella."

"Why not? Why isn't that enough?"

"Because she isn't Bella and you know that better than most. You can't replace the love of your life with her sister. That's just wrong."

"Then you tell me what is right, Alice. I've tried living alone and guess what? I hate it. I haven't slept alone since I was seventeen years old, for God's sake. Do you have any inkling of how big and empty and fucking cold a bed can be when you are in it all alone, night after night?"

"Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't try again. I admit I'm beyond stunned that you even want to, but good on you. I know you miss her, we all do. She was my sister by choice and I miss her every single day so it must be so much worse for you. I cannot imagine losing Jasper but if I did, there's no way I would turn to his brother Jaxon instead, as some kind of sick stand in. Have you thought about how much this is going to hurt Bella when she finds out?"

I laughed mirthlessly. "Do you seriously think this is my idea? Bella wants me to be with Bree. She wants to at least keep me in her family. I think she may even want me to marry her sister, in time."

"So, you would marry Bree and screw around with your sister-in-law ex-wife?"

"Fuck Alice, what a good idea," I said, growling at her." You know me better than that."

"Sorry, I do know you are not a cheat."

I sighed and grabbed at my messy hair, torturing it for something to do, for a way to feel physical pain instead. "I don't know what I am any more, to be honest."


	4. Chapter 4

The Nanny

Chapter 4

I don't want you to think Bree was a completely awful person, she definitely was not. We agreed to never discussing my defection again and things improved. We avoided Jake's tavern, obviously, because those two were never going to get along but I went there alone now and then when I needed to talk about Bella to the one other person who could understand what life was like without her.

Grief changes things. Where Jake used to envy me, now he pitied me. Where once he wished he was me, now he thanked his lucky stars daily that nobody had listened to his prayers and swapped my life with his.

"Edward, your eyes. I wish to God I could avoid ever looking in them again. All they show is hurt and pain and longing at a level I don't think I am capable of understanding. God, when you think about the times I watched you and Bella together, always laughing, always loved up and kissing and your bodies both said you just wanted to sneak off and be alone somewhere...

Shit, I thought I was the unluckiest bastard on Earth, watching you two, knowing she would never love me like that. Now look at you. Nobody would swap places with Edward Cullen now, not for a million dollars."

"Tell me about it. Mind you, I think I'd swap lives with just about anyone else, if they agreed."

"How the fuck do you cope? I could always imagine how good it must be, being the one she chose, but being the one she left behind after those years you two shared...fuck me. I can't believe you even try to exist any more."

"This is how I exist, how I cope," I replied, holding up the glass containing three fingers of Scotch.

"Have you met my new best friend, Johnny Walker? He and I spend many nights together, and he makes things bearable, Jacob, and that's as good as it will ever get."

"What are you doing with Bree? Tell me, man. I just don't get it."

"Jacob, my world was full and beautiful and almost fucking perfect, then suddenly it was black and empty and all I had to hope for was the end. Then I realised I could have a connection to Bella still. I know it's not perfect, it's not what I want, but sometimes you don't get what you want and you learn to settle.

Think about that.

The other day we were at the beach and I fell asleep on a rug on the sand and of course I was dreaming of Bella. Then I woke up and as usual, it hit me, she is gone,. Then I heard this voice that sounded a little like hers, and I looked up and there running along the shoreline was this girl who looked a lot like her, and I actually smiled, Jacob. Tell me that's not progress. Shit, if my family saw me smile they'd probably have me locked in the looney bin. They are so used to me looking like the end of the world just happened. I'm ruining things for everyone. They want to be happy and celebrate the birth of the twins and soon Emmett's kid, and nobody is game to mention the 'b' word in my presence.

They stop talking when I walk into the room and change the subject. For fuck's sake, Mom and Alice were in the kitchen talking nursery decor and I entered and Alice says 'How about those Phillies?' God, I couldn't help laughing, the girl wouldn't know which end of the bat to hold and she's talking baseball?"

Jake laughed and poured me another shot, a large half glass sized shot.

"Leave the bottle," I ordered and he sat it beside my glass.

"You want to lay off the booze a bit. Nobody wants to see your liver collapse and kill you."

"I should be so lucky," I murmured, looking at the time on my iPhone.

"I have to go, actually. I have a date with Bree and it wouldn't do to keep her waiting."

Jake shook his head and recapped his bottle and returned it to the shelf.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, reaching for my wallet.

"This one's on me. You can pick up the tab next time," he said, draining his own glass.

I waved as I walked out the door but I heard what he said under his breath.

"_See you, wouldn't want to be you."_

Fuck, I don't want to be me, why would he?

My driving actually improves with a few under my belt but I had the sense to take it slowly and not attract the attention of any of Charlie's men as I sped to the Swan house. I still haven't walked inside, that's a bridge too far at this point.

Bree was sitting on the stoop, her long brown hair shining in the sun. It could almost be Bella, if you squint, but those red highlights are missing. In every way, as much as she resembles Bree, she is more. More everything.

I sighed and put on my happy face and Bree ran down and opened the door and slid inside.

"Hey."

"Hey Bree. So, where are we going tonight?"

"Jess is having a party. It's a Happy Divorce party, she invited us."

Yeah, because divorce is something to celebrate.

"Okay, where's she living now?" I asked. I assumed Mike has tossed her out of the Newton mansion if they are finally officially apart.

"Where she has always been. Mike signed the house over to her. Isn't that great?"

I shrugged. Maybe it was the price Mike was willing to pay to get his annoying wife out of his life.

I'm not keen on Jessica Stanley Newton Stanley but Bree has known her forever and I have to get used to her friends and accept them as much as I can.

"Oh Edward," Jess simpered as she opened the door to us, not even noticing Bree at my side. She leaned up and kissed my cheek as I turned my lips away hurriedly, avoiding a sloppy alcohol fumed lip lock. "Nice of you to come. Bree, I didn't see you there. Come on in. Bars thataway."

That was all I needed to hear, I headed straight for it and left the girls to chat and tear apart Mike and dissect all his faults between them.

To my surprise, Mike himself was there, was tending bar, and I sat on a stool and surveyed what booze was on offer.

"So, you heard the good news. I''m a free man. Free to go chase women and bed anyone I want and live the good life," he said enthusiastically. "What's it like, Edward? Shrugging off the chains and being young and free and able to do whatever the hell you want."

"Not as good as you imagine," I answered dryly. Mike poured me a single malt and I swallowed it down, not even pausing to appreciate it's quality.

"Another?" he asked warily and I waved towards my glass.

"Keep them coming. So, you really think it will be great out there. All these women busting to drag you off to bed? All these women wanting to fuck you and have some fun? You will still be alone, Mike. Random fucking doesn't leave you with a warm body to cuddle up to on a cold night. Random fucking doesn't get you anyone who gives a shit about you out of the sack. Who will be there when you have that test result that indicates there could be a medical issue? Who is going to give a crap when things go bad at work and you need to talk about it? Random fucking starts and ends with the fucking, you know."

"It will do me for now," Mike replied, looking around the room, his eyes pausing on Bree.

"So, you two are an item?" he questioned.

"Sure," I replied.

"What's it like, fucking her sister? Isn't it kind of creepy and weird? I mean, she's almost her but not quite, you know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean but don't ask me, we haven't fucked."

"Really? But you've been dating her since Christmas. That's five months. I can't picture Bree waiting that long, she usually fucks on a first date."

"Yeah, well, we are different. We want to build a relationship first," I slurred. Fucking malt was beautiful, so smooth. I poured another generous shot for myself and watched Mike cringe. I dare say it was the only bottle of decent booze here.

Lauren whatshername slid onto the stool beside mine and held out her glass. Mike grabbed a bottle from under the bar and filled it with something inferior to what we were drinking.

"So, Uncle Edward, congratulations. A niece and a nephew born today, how good is that?" she smiled.

"Extraordinarily fucking fantastic," I replied and swallowed half the contents of my glass.

"Have you seen them yet? Are they really cute and adorable? I mean, Jasper Whitlock as their father, they must be the cutest little babies alive," she gushed.

Bree walked up and pointedly placed a stool between mine and Lauren's and sat down.

"We are going to visit them tomorrow. Edward didn't want there to be too much of a crowd today. You know, his parents and Jasper's parents, and Emmett and Rose, they all rushed in. We are waiting for the crowd to thin."

"Oooh, I can't wait to see them. What did they name them?" Lauren asked.

"Um, I think they settled on Mariel and Josh. Alice's name is Mary Alice, you know. So Mariel is kind of after her."

The women chattered and I drank, so all in all, a good evening.

Morning found me waking with a doozie of a hangover, and I quickly shut my eyes against the morning glare. Wait, fuck, where was I? I cautiously opened one eye. Fuck me, I was in what used to be Bella's bed, in Bella's old bedroom. Well, I guess I finally managed to cross the Swan thresh hold.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to detect an essence of Bella but too many years had passed. The room had been repainted and refurnished and now was a cold and sterile characterless guest bedroom. Nothing of her remained, it was as if she had never existed. Never slept in this bed, never sat at her desk doing her homework, never had all her clothes in the small built in closet. It was completely devoid of Bella.

The next time I awoke, I could hear voices downstairs so I stumbled into the bathroom and showered and dried myself off. Last nights clothes would have to do. They stunk of sweat and booze but they were all I had.

Someone tapped on the door, and I opened it warily.

"So, alive. Something of a surprise after the amount you put away last night. Come on, breakfast awaits and Dad just left for his shift."

Thank God. I had no desire to see him like this and he probably left early to avoid me.

I clutched the coffee cup like it could save me and sipped the hot brown liquid down.

"So, what time are we visiting the hospital?" Bree asked.

I looked at her and shrugged and she was suddenly at my side, her arm around my shoulders.

"I know I never want any rugrats of my own, but I know this day is going to be painful for you, Edward. I will be there, lean on me," she said quietly, combing my hair with her fingers. She could be sweet when she tried and she understood my pain.

"Thanks, Bree," I uttered and leaned against her body.

"Hey, we have an empty house. Want to come up to my bedroom and rest some more?" she asked, her breath hot and keen against my face.

It had to happen sometime and I was still half cut so maybe I could actually do it. Maybe sleeping with her could bond us together, who the fuck knows? I followed her up to her bedroom, which was as different as chalk and cheese to her sister's and let her undo my pants and slide them off.

I do like her, really, I do. It's not her fault she isn't Bella. I stripped my Tshirt off again and rid myself of my boxers and turned to face her. She was naked already and I looked at her firm body and reached out a hand to stroke her breasts.

She was lovely, there was no denying that and we had kissed a lot and touched and rubbed against one another a bit, this was just the final step. I cleared my mind and simply let lust take over and lifted her onto the bed. My body reacted as expected and I hovered above her, stroking between her legs, feeling her become wet and needy and without hesitation, I slid inside her.

I refused to think of what it was like, compared to the only other body I had ever been inside. This was new and different and good in it's own way and had to happen.

I feared it would be over pretty fast, it had been a long time since I'd had sex, let's face it, but somehow I managed to last until Bree was crying out my name and I made sure not to shout anyone's name at all as I pumped inside her.

"Fuck, I knew it would be amazing," Bree whispered and I lay beside her and held her body against my own.

"Yeah, amazing," I echoed. I wished to God I had a bottle of whatever brand Mike had served me last night and I struggled internally to hold it together and not cry like a baby. It had to happen, I repeated in my head. It had to happen.

And now it had.

We lay there together in silence and I turned and kissed her on the mouth and hoped I was right, hoped there was a bond between us now. She looked wonderful, her body flushed with pink, her eyes happy and filled with something in the same family as love. I knew she cared for me and I cared for her, as much as I could. I would make this happen, we would be a real couple. I just had to accept that in my brain and we would be golden.

Okay, not golden but maybe silver.

Bree pushed her breasts against my chest and reached her hand down and stroked me and to my surprise, I wanted her again. This time was easier, and better and I actually enjoyed it. Fuck Cullen, sometimes you surprise even me, I thought, as I thrust inside her, and opened my eyes to watch Bree's face as she strove to reach that state of bliss again. I was relieved she had her eyes closed, to be honest, because I didn't want her to see the turmoil in my own, but watching her enjoy my body, feeling the warmth of hers around me, it was something. It could never be like ...

No, I shook my head, let this be what it is.

New, safe, exciting.

I helped her along with my fingers and we exploded together and I smiled as she opened her eyes and yelled my name again.

"I love you," she cried and I grabbed her close to my chest and wished to God I could say it back.

X~x~X

After another shower, this time in my own bathroom in the apartment I had rented four months earlier, I donned clean clothes and gave myself a quick talking to in the mirror. Today was a day full of challenges but hey, I had managed the first and I would manage the second.

Bree held my hand as we walked off the elevator and along the corridor to my sister's room. Alice was in the bathroom so it gave me a chance to look into the perspex baby beds and not have to disguise my feelings of jealousy and envy as two little tiny perfect faces gazed back at me.

"Hello, little Mariel," I said quietly and offered her my finger which she grabbed with her tiny fist. That changed everything, and I felt a genuine smile on my face.

Bree was gripping my other hand and stroking my back gently as she smiled back at me when I looked up at her.

"She's kind of cute," she conceded.

I laughed.

"Oh, this one's even cuter," she said, leaning over Josh's basket. He was attractive. My niece looked like my sister but Josh was all his father's son. Blond curls, big blue eyes, yes, he was a startlingly attractive baby, that's for sure. I looked back at his sister, with her jet black hair and hazel eyes and thanked God for the complete lack of resemblance to Bella. I don't know why I had feared it, Bella was no relation, there was no reason Mariel would look like her. It was just, in my nightmares, when I first saw this baby she was a little Bella clone and I had fallen to the ground at the sight of her. The reality was different.

Sure, they both tore at my heart and it still hurt like crazy that we had been denied one of these little miracles but I finally saw that these babies were not what we longed for, anyway. We had wanted our own baby, and these were Alice's. They couldn't hurt me, they couldn't kill me. They were innocent little people who deserved to be accepted and loved by their uncles, both uncles.

"Hey," Alice said, walking to stand beside us, checking my face and smiling to find it smiling.

"They are adorable, Sis, you did really well. Congratulations. I'm sorry about being such a douche all these months. Now they are here, well, they are real. They are two little people who look like you and Jasper and everything's going to be okay, I promise."

"Thank you, Edward, that means so much to me," she sighed and sat down on the bed.

"They are cool kids," Bree said and handed over pink and blue wrapped gifts which Alice accepted with a smile.

"So, you two look...different," my sister commented, noting our hands linked together.

"Everything's going to be okay, remember," I replied and raised our joined hands to kiss Bree's knuckles.

"Well that's good. We all just want you to be happy, Edward."

I nodded, I knew that. I managed to keep smiling and stay a while longer but when it got to be too much, Bree picked up on that and gave me a way to leave.

"I wish we could stay longer but my Dad forgot to take his lunch and we should go feed him before he steals the dry bread and water he is supposed to feed the felons," she quipped.

I let her hand go and embraced my sister, and kissed her cheek.

"I know, everything's going to be okay," she grinned and patted my back. Suddenly she sat very still and stared at the blank wall in front of the bed and I hurriedly grabbed Bree and exited the room, almost running for the elevator.

I didn't want to hear what she had just seen.

Everything was going to be okay.

X~x~X

Once I dropped Bree off at her house, I was done. I let my mouth relax and end the smile that had sat there all day, sometimes real, other times forced, and a suffocating feeling overwhelmed me. It was too much. The whole emotional fog enveloped me and I knew I couldn't just go home and keep pretending.

Something really major and life changing had happened today and I needed to allow myself to think about it and accept it. In a way, it made seeing Alice's twins easier because their birth was the lesser of the two challenges I had endured.

I parked beside the meadow, where I had driven without conscious thought and walked through the mass of wildflowers and sat down beneath our tree.

I had spent the day buoyed up by the act of being with Bree, the relief of finally having sex again, the beginning of hope even. But there was something I needed to do before I could embrace my new life.

I let the sorrow and guilt fill me, I had betrayed my Bella. I had slept with someone else, and I had never ever wanted that to happen. I had done the worst possible thing I could ever do, and now I needed to pay and suffer and acknowledge my crime against us. The fact she wanted me to move on meant nothing as I let the tears fall, and let myself truly grieve for what had now ended.

Stop denying.

Bella and Edward. Over. Finished. In the past.

Even the hope of a different future held no comfort as I sat there and cried for us, and tried to let her go.

"I guess it's time, Bella. I guess this is the day we both move on and I hope, I truly hope, you find love again. I don't want to know you lie alone in your bed and have nobody to comfort you and give you affection and hope for the future. I'm as sorry as anyone could be that we didn't make it, but it's time to say Goodbye and I wish you the very best life possible. I really mean that. I guess I do love you enough to let you go. Be free, be safe and be happy."

I guess the chill of the night was what finally sent me home to my apartment and I lay alone in my bed and smiled into the night. This would be the last night Bella spent with me, tomorrow I was asking Bree to move in and be my partner. And I would try my hardest to be whatever she needed me to be.

I shut my eyes and felt my Bella there, in my arms, and I kissed her and breathed in her wonderful scent and I slept, deeply, dreamlessly.

In the morning I tossed those sheets away and put the new ones I had purchased on my bed and picked up my phone.

"Bree, honey, how do you feel about us living together? Great, pack up everything and call me when you are ready for me to come collect you."

**OK from now on updates will be slower and randomly spaced. I know many readers tell me I update too fast and thus miss out on reviews, but only a very small percentage of readers that have alerts on my stories review anyway. My hope is one day I will write something worthy of more reviews, I can but dream.**


	5. Chapter 5

The Nanny

Chapter 5

"Why don't we just pack up and move to New York or Los Angeles, you are a free agent now," Bree said as I sat down to eat the dinner she had cooked to celebrate my completing my residency and receiving my license. Carlisle hoped I would stay on at Forks Memorial but Bree thought that would be a complete waste so I had no idea what to do. I wish I could make everyone happy but that isn't a possibility.

I had checked my investment accounts earlier and was shocked at how much money was being deposited from the Masen estate as the lawyers finally wound up all my mother's late parent's businesses and holdings that I had inherited. Emmett was the heir to Carlisle's parents, and Alice was to inherit our mother's trust fund. I was rich beyond my wildest dreams and I had to start thinking of how to put this money to the best use, not just leave it sitting there. Bree had no idea of what I was worth, I hadn't known myself.

Bree worked at anything, anywhere. She was fully qualified but hadn't cared once she finished to work as a nurse so she had many options as to where she worked and in what field.

I kind of wanted to stay in Forks and watching Mariel and Josh grow was delightful and no longer hurt so much. Everyone had babies, I treated babies everyday, I delivered babies now and then and guess what, as awed as I was when I helped a new life into this world, there was just the one severe stab of pain as I handed it to it's proud father.

I always managed to shake his hand and congratulate him and when some dewy eyed new mother asked me if I had kids, I even managed a cheery 'Not yet, but one day' as an answer.

'Don't leave it too long', 'it will change your whole world', 'there's nothing that compares with holding your own flesh an blood', yes, I heard them all, all the time.

I believed them, it was just that Bree was still no closer to wanting a child. She was open to bargaining though so I decided to offer her a deal.

"Come work at the hospital with me for my final month and if you still think we should move away, then I promise to give it serious consideration."

She agreed and Carlisle welcomed her on board. He always had room for another nurse.

It was fun, having a nurse whose backside I was allowed to pinch, and who I could pull into an empty room to kiss, and Bree of course wanted to get even more adventurous and have sex in one of the offices.

"God, Bree, you know someone will walk in on us," I objected and she smirked. "That's part of the thrill. Wouldn't you like to bend me over a desk and push yourself inside and fuck me long and hard and never know if somebody would come knocking at the door?" she whispered and I felt my pants tighten. Okay we were still all about sex, we still hadn't managed to go to the next step and have real intimacy.

"Let me go sign out Mr Fredericks and you have a date," I managed to stutter. I rushed through the paperwork and waved to the man and his wife as they left then ran quickly down the empty hallway, looking to see where she had gone.

"Oh Dr Cullen, I believe there is an emergency in Room 128," one of the nurses winked and I thanked her and slowed to a quick walk.

Sure enough, the 'patient' in 128 needed my attention and I quickly administered it and collapsed against her back when we both finished. It's so much easier to fantasize when entering her from the back, the illusion is so much stronger I don't even have to close my eyes. I had no sooner done up my pants and smoothed down her dress when a knock sounded on the door.

I opened it and faced my father, who smirked at me.

"Rose is in Reception, it looks like the real deal this time. You two coming? Oh you already did. Go wash up and meet me in the Delivery Room."

I decided I needed to shower fully, not just hastily clean up and I scrubbed my skin clean until I heard my beeper call and got out to hurriedly dry and dress. This was becoming a problem, I was getting to feel like needed to scrub away my sins any time I was with her now.

Rose was loudly protesting that it should not hurt this much and demanding drugs and Bree slipped right into nurse mode and held her hand and explained everything, each step of the way as Carlisle examined her and announced it was too late for an epidural, we would be doing this all natural.

"Fuck no," Rose screamed and Bree helped her gasp in some air and gas and explained how to breathe it in at the right time for the best results.

Emmett was a sight to see. Normally because he is such a large person, he always looks to be in control even when he isn't, but he was a puddle of nerves. He was walking the floor, then rushing back to Rose's side, letting her grip the heck out of his hand until she pushed him away again.

"You did this to me," she bellowed as another contraction hit.

"I did, I did," he admitted worriedly. I think maybe he was regretting not using a condom right now. Bree stayed at Rose's side and took the abuse as my sister-in-law writhed in pain and I had a feeling this was just firming up Bree's decision to never procreate.

"Head's crowning, I need you to concentrate and bear down," Dad announced.

"It's nearly over, Rose. The sooner and stronger you push, the sooner it's over," Bree promised and Rose stared into her eyes, searching for the truth.

"Emmett, sit up behind her and take the strain," Bree suggested and my brother obeyed. It was funny, all five foot five of her ordering all six foot six of him about. Her 100 pound body was a quarter his size yet she said jump and he did.

"Push," we all yelled and Rose pushed with all her might. The crown of the baby's head appeared but fell back when she stopped. Carlisle gave me the 'do we need to use forceps?' look and I shrugged. "Give her a few more tries," I suggested and Bree picked up on it.

"Edward, pass me that towel," she asked and I handed it over.

"Rose, grab this and pull it towards you with all your might," she ordered and Rose did, as I caught on and pulled it the opposite way, tug'o'war style. Sure enough, out popped the baby's head and Bree did the thumbs up.

"She's a great nurse," Carlisle admitted grudgingly.

The shoulders were a worry. Looking at Emmett you could only imagine how broad shouldered this kid may be but in fact the rest of the baby slid out no problem.

The room was filled with a loud wail and I wrapped a blanket around the little warm body and wiped the blood from it's face as my father severed the cord that joined child to mother.

Bree did the 'shush' motion and I realised what she wanted.

"Here you go, Emmett, look for yourself and see what it is," Bree said, handing him the baby as she took it from me. Carlisle was right, she had made this whole thing about Rose and Emmett, we were merely the playing the smaller roles. Sometimes, like now, I can almost really like her, for more than sex.

"Show me first, let me see the face," Rose said and they gazed in pure joy at the little creature in their arms. "What do you think?" Rose asked her husband.

"Hmm, it's pretty, could be a girl," he guessed and Rose gazed again and touche the baby's golden hair.

"I hope it is, the next one can be a boy," she said and opened the blanket. "Yes, a girl," Emmett announced, air pumping his fist, and we all clapped.

Esme was videoing the birth and Bree went over and took the camera. "Go see your new granddaughter, I can do this," she said and I felt a wave of appreciation for her as the family gathered around and admired baby Natalie Rose Cullen.

Once everything was done and Bree had followed me out to catch the baby being weighed and measured and such, we finally got away and sat together in the cafeteria, and gratefully poured some coffee down our throats.

"Well, did that make you more sure or less sure, you would ever want a baby?" I asked.

"If I say more sure, does that mean you won't ever marry me?" she asked perceptively.

I shrugged. I wanted it all. I was hardly settling for a childless marriage after what I had lost.

"Well, let's just say I may be willing to think about it, one day," she conceded.

"Really?" I asked, excited she was at least bending. "God, Edward, there would have to be conditions. Like a full time home helper and the minimal interruption to my career. The one thing today has shown me is, I want to work as a nurse. Full time. But you need to consider my wishes. I don't want to live in Forks. It's too hard to make my own mark here, when your cottage sits there empty. Clearly you don't consider me worthy of living in it, yet you haven't sold it."

"It's not mine to sell. It was my wedding gift to.."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Mmm."

"Right, I see, then you think about where you would be willing to move to and I'll think about whether we will ever be a real couple. A family. With a kid." She tried to hide the instant shudder. " I can't promise anything. I still think they are more trouble than they are worth. Why do we need some grumpy teen telling us he hates us and wishes he was never born?"

I laughed. "Good point. But I never hated my parents, not all teens go through that."

"The Swans do," she growled. "God, the things I have said to Charlie...and Renee, pissing off leaving me behind. Bitch."

I had to concede, Bree had never known a mother's love, not really. But then, Renee had always been harsh with Bella, too, the one she kept. I knew her childhood had been no bed of roses either.

"Come on, let's check on mother and daughter then go home," she suggested and I agreed.

Rose was showered and changed and sitting up in bed in her private room, and Emmett had given Nattie her first bath.

Yeah, Nattie.

I mean, I knew she was named Natalie after Rosalie, but a rose is a rose, and a gnat is a gnat. I would have kept the whole 'Natalie' going.

X~x~X

Carlisle decided to give Bree a proper try and offered her a six month contract, which appealed to me. I just wanted to be around my nephew and nieces, which was something I never expected. And my father had agreed to trialing a free clinic for the uninsured residents of Forks, not everyone could afford the luxury of health insurance. Dad had always treated anyone and everyone, but this way we could set it up as a proper business and I was happy to toss some of my own money into the pot, as were my parents.

This attracted us some funding, so it was something I wanted to watch grow from its humble beginnings to a full ER room in time. Both Carlisle and I were happy doing shifts there even though it did eat into our free time, but to be honest, I was glad to take the night shifts.

Sex started out as fun and in it's own limited way it had brought Bree and I a smidgen closer but now it just felt empty and I was glad not to be there when she reached over to my side of the bed.

She often tried to get me excited by recalling that day in the office but all it ever made me feel was sad that I had ever become that lust driven man. He was gone now and once again I depended solely on my dreams for any sort of sexual buzz.

Bella never let me down and never demanded more than I could give, in those erotic fantasies that filled my nights. Of course this drove Bree and myself even further apart but sometimes you have to face reality and know something is just never going to work.

Bella and I still called one another, and I knew she was trying too, to find some form of a future better than the lonely despair that filled her as well. I didn't want to even think about what she was doing to try and move on, though common sense dictated it would involve another man and his bed.

Carlisle relented after a while and prescribed me a low dose mood altering drug to keep me this side of slipping into depression. I just couldn't find anything to live for, apart from my work, and sometimes that just wasn't enough.

The months passed, and Bree and I settled down into a type of friendship and gave up trying to even pretend to be more. She was up and down, sometimes wanting to try again, other times I suspected she wanted to pack her bags and leave as much as I longed her to.

Jess and Lauren were going out on a girl's night out and had invited Bree so I had a free evening on my hands and I went to Jake's tavern. He was strange from the get-go. Something was up.

"Um, Edward, this is Seth. He's been training as my replacement manager these last few weeks. He's going to run the place in my absence."

"Oh, where are you going?" I asked. "Vacation?"

"No, actually I'm moving away. I'm going to go live near Bella," he stated.

I sat down and clutched at the top of the counter. Breathe, I reminded myself.

I know I always wanted her to be happy but for some reason it never occurred to me it would be with Jake. Yet he was the obvious choice.

"Don't get it wrong, she hasn't asked me to go and we aren't dating or anything, I'm just going to be her friend. She needs friends," he reminded me.

"Yeah, thanks, Jake," I managed to mutter.

"Don't misunderstand though, if she shows the slightest sign that she is ready to move on, and I could be the one she moves on with, it will happen."

"Fair enough," I agreed. "When are you going?" I asked.

"Next week. She's coming here for Charlie's birthday. She's staying the weekend and I'm going back with her."

"Where's she living?" I asked.

"Does it matter?" he answered.

"It's just that Bree wants us to move, maybe to New York, I dunno, anywhere else really, and it might be better not to live too close to where Bella lives," I explained.

"I'm opening a bar in California, just give that state a miss," he conceded.

"Bella always did like the sun," I stated and he smiled. "She surely does. Forks was never the place for her to bloom, in my opinion."

"But she loved it here once," I sighed.

"I guess that was more about who she was with than where she was," Jacob accurately surmised.

"Good luck,Jake. Look after her," I said, holding out my hand. He took it and we shook on it.

He would look out for her, no matter what relationship developed between them and that was what I wanted, right?

I wanted my Bella to be happy.

X~x~X

Bella's POV

Going home, coming home. Only not really, I was just going to my father's house and it had never really been my home. Not for long, anyway. I felt as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. Obviously there would be a family dinner as well as Dad's birthday party, so on at least two occasions I would be subjected to Edward's company as my sister's boyfriend.

I could survive this. I was a drama student for years, I knew how to act for God's sake. And I had acted to much larger audiences than this.

I had never felt the slightest stage fright before hitting the boards or shooting a scene for the made for tv movies I 'starred' in, but somehow stepping off this bus as it entered Forks was stirring up the butterflies badly.

I concentrated on controlling my breathing and mentally ticking of the list of things to be endured.

Biggest thing, seeing Edward and only being allowed to peck his cheek, not grab him into a full swoon and kiss the living daylights out of him.

Secondly, keep my knickers in place the entire time I was here, no sneaking off to find a shady corner to assault my former husband in, because let's face it, he probably wouldn't fight me.

Thirdly, smile and congratulate Alice and Rose on their babies, and mean it.

I checked my bag again. Yes, baby gifts safe and sound, wrapped and waiting to be handed over. At least Alice's twins would be bigger and I dunno, crawling already? Sitting up? I avoided all baby talk and articles in magazines about how they progressed, so I really only knew they walked around their first birthdays.

And that they smelled delicious and made life worth living.

Nope, they don't, get over yourself. You do not need a child to validate your existence.

I should read up and learn more about them, I could not avoid babies forever.

Actually, I was about to have my first encounter.

As the bus pulled in, the first person I saw was Alice with a big double baby stroller with the two cutest babies on the planet propped inside.

Best get over that hurdle straight away, seeing I could hardly push her aside and run screaming to the hills. I hid my disappointment that Edward had not come to greet me, but maybe that was for the best. I knew I was going to have a devil of a time not racing him away to a bed, anyone's bed. I longed for him to be my last again. It started with Edward, if only we could be together just once more so it ended with Edward. Then I could go buy my cats and live on memories.

That little mistake tugged at my conscience but I had promised to try to move on, just as he was trying to, and that kind of meant sex with someone else.

It had been beyond horrible and I regretted it every second of every day. Edward had confided he was finding it very hard to convince himself there was any type of connection between himself and Bree still, although his lust was clearly more healthy than mine. He'd managed to sleep with her for months but even they had given up trying.

One of us needs to find happiness, and I have no intention of trying again. Sex with anyone but Edward is too bleak. He had voiced the same opinion. Knowing he still wanted me as much as I wanted him was never going to work unless we kept ourselves in the company of others all the time.

I stepped down from the bus and smiled at my best friend.

"Bella!" she said excitedly, grabbing me into a hug.

"Hey, Alice, " I replied, hugging her tightly myself.

"So, you look amazing, maybe a little too thin, and you wear make-up now?" she babbled, not missing a thing. The make-up hid the redness around my eyes, at least I hoped it did, and the thinness...well, I guess I eat to live, no more than that. I don't enjoy food these days, I merely consume it to stay alive.

"So, introduce me," I encouraged her and she immediately slipped into proud mother mode.

"This is Mariel, my little mini-me, and this is Joshua, Jasper's little clone, as you can see," she said happily.

There was no wondering which was which, even if they hadn't been decked out in all pink and all blue outfits, Joshua was a real little boy already and little Mariel was nothing short of an angel.

"Gorgeous, perfect," I said, in all honesty. And it was a relief to see neither looked like their Uncle Edward. Selfish, I know, but somehow, seeing a baby who looked like him would hurt.

I pushed the thought aside and crouched down so my face was level with theirs.

"So, are you good little babies who sleep all night?" I asked. The little girl reached out and grabbed my finger and tried to chew on it.

"Oh, no, don't..." I pleaded, aware I had been touching the grab bar and such in a public bus, hardly sanitary.

"She doesn't have many teeth, and they are tiny. She won't bite you," Alice laughed.

"No I wasn't worried, just my hands aren't clean," I explained. I didn't want her to think I was afraid to touch her children.

Alice opened her bag and tossed me a tube of antiseptic handwash gel and I rubbed it over my hands thoroughly, then handed the tube back.

"You can pick her up if you want, she won't break."

Mariel had her hands extended towards me so I freed her from her straps and lifted her into my arms and sighed as she cuddled in against my chest, her soft little head under my chin.

"Oh, how wonderful. She smells so nice and she's so soft," I cried, hugging the warm little body in close.

Edward's POV

This is the moment it all became clear. I stood across the road and waited and watched the look on Bella's face as she held my niece.

The fucking universe had got it all wrong, that should be our baby in her arms. I was tempted to risk everything and sit Bree down and offer her shitloads of money to give Bella an egg but I was pretty sure she would never agree. The few times we talked, she seemed determined to make sure her sister could never have a child.

Of course that grated on me but short of knocking her out and taking her into surgery and stealing her eggs, there was little else I could do. And you can't just steal eggs, she would need daily injections of fertility drugs to make sure we got a maximum load, so many couples failed in IVF attempts due to not enough eggs therefore insufficient embryos to try and implant. We would realistically need a dozen to even hope for a single successful implant. And the sisters cycles would have to be chemically synchronised.

I choked as I realised I was really considering finding some way to force Bree into doing what we wanted and that was just wrong. Sometimes I shock myself, sometimes I have to acknowledge I have a monster inside me who would stop at nothing to get what he wants, if I ever let down my guard. Even the monster just longs to give Bella what she needs to be happy.

Bree did like money and I knew much of my attraction for her was financial but it seemed dangerous to let her know how much I had. At what point was it too much if she did agree? If I offered her a million, would she demand ten? Would I pay that? Without a doubt.

However, I was being cautious because Bree, like Bella, talked in her sleep and her main source of joy was that she had 'stolen' me back from her sister and it made her feel very victorious. If she simply sold us an egg, it would be all over. I had to try and work out what was more important to her, having me as a trophy or being rich.


	6. Chapter 6

**I was going to write a whole chapter about Edward's depression like I did the first time round but I got sick of his sulky ass so this is just an outtake.**

The Nanny Outtake

Jake and Edward: Morals, Ethics and Scruples

Jake'sPOV

The womenfolk of Forks were having some lingerie party that men were not invited to so most of the husbands were grouped around the large screen tv in the other bar room, watching the game. I was unsurprised when Edward walked through the door and ordered a single malt. It was quiet in this bar so I put Seth, my trainee manager in charge, grabbed the bottle and two glasses and walked with Edward to a booth down the back.

"Looks like it's men's night out. Now, let's have a drink," I said pouring generous amounts into each of the glasses.

"We are a pathetic lot, unable to amuse ourselves for a single night without our women," Edward stated."You got a woman, Jake?"

"Nah, the one I wanted was taken already," I replied.

"But surely there's more than one woman for each of us," Edward replied, emptying his glass in a single gulp. By the look of him, it wasn't anything like his first drink tonight.

"You tell me, Edward. Are we capable of loving more than one woman?" I asked.

"Hell no, not love. Tolerate maybe," he slurred.

Interesting.

"So you don't love Bree?" I pushed. I couldn't blame him, I hated the woman myself.

"I like her," he shrugged and poured himself another shot.

"Will you ever love her like you loved Bella?" I asked.

"Never, never could love anyone like I love Bella. I would do anything for her. My fucking money is useless, Jake. It couldn't fix her like she wanted to be fixed."

"I know, and I'm real sorry about that. Would you have married her knowing she couldn't have kids, if she had found out before the wedding?"

He laughed.

"Course I would have, but she wouldn't have married me."

"You'd take her back tomorrow, wouldn't you?"

"Would but I can't," he slurred.

"So, wanna play a game? I got this from my sister for my birthday and I'm hooked on it," I explained, showing him the little plastic hand held device that was taking up all my spare time.

"What is it? A shoot em up computer game?" he asked.

"No, it's a game called Morals, Ethics and Scruples," I explained. "There are a series of questions and you have to answer them honestly. You game?"

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Okay, you first. Your wife is ill and you have to take your child to work with you. Your job is opening and shutting one of those railway bridges that open up so large boats can go through. A train is due shortly and you can't contact the driver. Your child has slipped and fallen into the cogs of the machinery that works the bridge. Do you shut the bridge and save the lives of eight hundred people in the train and therefore crush your child to death, or disentangle your child from the cogs and let the train crash into the river and risk eight hundred lives?"

"Rescue my child," he answered immediately.

"You'd let eight hundred people die to save your kid?" I checked.

"Abso-fucking-lutely. No question."

I handed the game over and he clicked for the next question.

"You and your work colleague are up for the same promotion. Tomorrow the interviews begin and you just noticed he made an easily fixable mistake that will be noticed when your boss looks over the days work tonight. It could be the deciding factor in who gets the promotion. Do you tell your colleague so he can fix it now?"

"Hmm, I've always worked for myself. I'm going to say yes, I tell him, so if I get the promotion I know I won it fair and square."

"Now Edward. Your wife has an identical twin sister and she is at a party at your house. She's so drunk she's passed out in your bed and you know when she gets drunk she is willing to do all manner of sexual deeds and has no memory about them in the morning. Your wife on the other hand insists on only missionary sex and you know she falls deeply asleep after two drinks and is out of it for hours. She's asleep on the sofa in the lounge room. You know if you get caught you can use the defence you thought it was your wife, after all, they look the same and she did crash in your bed...do you have some fun times with your sister-in-law?"

"So, Bella is my wife?" he checked.

"Okay, yeah," I replied.

"Never in a million years."

"And if Bree was your wife?"

"Bree would never be my wife if I could have Bella instead."

"OK Bella is not your wife because she's married to someone else. Do you sleep with her?"

"Bella's married to someone else?" he cried pitifully.

He lay his head down on the table in an attempt to hide his tears. I was shocked and had no idea how to react so I patted his arm and poured another drink.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, thank you, my six reviewers, I'm writing this for you. I once wrote a story for one single reviewer, so I have had stories even less liked than this one!**

The Nanny

Chapter 6

Bree's POV

I was brewing the early morning coffee and idly reading yesterday's newspaper when it happened yet again. One minute I'm breathing in the luscious aroma of the imported coffee beans as they perk and make their pot of ambrosia, the next I have my head halfway in the toilet, tossing my cookies and feeling so strange it shook me to my core.

This was no hangover, Edward's new health kick we were both on meant no booze, running together twice a day, a healthy diet...in fact, it was probably all the organic fruit and vegetables that caused my stomach to rebel and refuse to keep digesting that disgusting food.

It was starting to weird me out though because despite weeks of sickness, I was gaining weight. Not enough to seriously alarm me, but my waistline was thickening no matter how many crunches I did, and God knows I hate exercising. I was only persisting because the idea of being fat terrified me to my soul. Nobody likes fat chicks and if I lost my figure in my twenties, what hope would there be for me as I got older?

I didn't feel _ill_ , it wasn't like a virus or a hangover or even food poisoning, maybe I had some form of involuntary bulimia?

This was just as if I was throwing up for the heck of it and I felt immediately better once it was done.

Great, it figures I would get the eating disorder that made you vomit yet gain inches. My life truly does suck. Once again I resolved to take control and live my life exactly as I wanted and screw what everyone else wanted or thought.

If I was dying or something then I would live and enjoy myself as much as possible before I went. All I could think about as I brushed my teeth and washed my face, was food. Food glorious food.

What the fuck did we have in this apartment that contained fat, lots and lots of yummy fat and sugar, and God, cream? Was there really a chance there could be anything delicious here in Healthy Eating R Us?

Edward does the grocery shopping so opening the fridge and seeing nothing but fresh produce should not be a surprise but there must be something stashed away, surely even he can't stick to his stupid spartan diet.

Nothing.

Fucking organic chicken and free range eggs from fowl fed only a wholegrain diet, what the fuck?

I tiptoed upstairs and peered into the bedroom. He was still out of it, snoring lightly, he had done a late shift last night after all and today was his halfday off. For some reason he'd changed his shift to this afternoon, even though he hadn't changed mine.

I suspected he had a surprise to prepare for me. Yeah, too little too late unless it was diamonds.

Diamonds I like.

No doubt he was merely buttering me up for some favor. Sex was a possibility, I had been too tired to indulge for ages now. Bad luck for him, flowers and rose petals strewn on the bed would not be making me horny tonight. He can wait until I get the urge, though it is strange, me not wanting sex.

Maybe I'm over him, I considered.

Whatever, I'll never tell, there's no way he is ever running back to her. He may call to her in his sleep but she will never get her greasy mitts on his beautiful body again, while I live and breathe. Unless someone better comes along, then I may indeed toss him back. No, I'd wait until she gave up all hope and married Jake or some other loser. That would be funny.

Him available and her, not so much! That amused me. Imagine him falling apart watching her walk down the aisle to that dog, then her having to watch him die alone?

Shut up, I say get your kicks where you can.

I hurriedly threw on some clothes and grabbed my purse and headed out, closing the front door slowly and soundlessly. I would be back before he had any clue I was even gone.

The fucking local supermarket was a joke and usually I avoided it like the plague but today it looked different. Suddenly it was full of things I wanted, no, needed. A six pack of iced donuts, ice cream with various bits of chocolate chip, brightly colored candy pieces, AND two types of sauce, strawberry and chocolate, swirled around inside. That sounded awesome, I should get a couple of tubs, maybe five.

Cookie dough sat there tempting me, you know the stuff, it comes frozen in a roll and you are supposed to slice it up and bake your very own oven fresh cookies but what the fuck, eating it raw from the packet is so much better. Six flavors so one of each seems fair.

Oooh, snack aisle and there are so many flavors of crisps, my trolley is nearly overflowing as I toss in packet after packet, artificial flavoring and coloring, how good does that sound? And of course the candy, a few packs of this and that and chocolate bars and those bitter sours the schoolkids eat even look attractive.

The bitch at the checkout raises an eyebrow, like she doesn't snack on this stuff all day long with her boring as fuck job here.

"Party for the kids?" she asks as I add several bottles of Coke and other sodas to the counter.

I mean, does this body look like it's fucking well had little parasitic monsters inside it, getting it all out of shape? Women who have kids are mental, there's no other word for it.

First they ruin your body, then they ruin your life and fuck all that diaper changing bullshit.

I want to heave just thinking about it. Thank Christ for Dr Carlisle and his generous supplies of contraceptive pills.

I glare at the checkout chick and rip open a packet of crisps while I wait for her to do her fucking job and ring up this pile of awesomeness .

"Oh, I get it, you are pregnant! My sister is the same, always snacking on crisps, especially after she hurls of a morning. Are you up to that stage yet?"

I throw her a death glare. Don't even fucking joke about such a thing, bitch.

"And coffee, I mean, everyone has to drink coffee of a morning, right? The minute she smells it she's racing for the toilet bowl but it's not like the whole family can just give up their caffeine fix for her, right?" she blathers on, and I freeze and mentally count back the weeks.

When was the last time I was inconvenienced with that fucking female shit again? Esme's birthday party?

Fuck no, that was like, four months ago? No fucking way. Think, Bree. You had them at Jess's party, and then at Esme's four weeks later, and then...there must be other times more recent. Oh thank God. Oh, that was just a light bleed that lasted a single day.

But that's down to the Pill, surely?

I pull my diary out and scan it. Fuck me, I feel like vomiting voluntarily this time.

"Pregnancy tests?" I mutter around the mouthful of crisps that suddenly taste like sand in my mouth.

She pulls out a couple from behind the counter and starts explaining the merits of each brand and I grab all four packs and toss them on the counter.

I can't get home fast enough and the ice cream sits there melting in it's tubs as I rush to the lower floor powder room and pee on the stick.

Right, where are the directions? Two lines mean yes,life as you know it over. One line says no, you are fucking free and not up the frigging duff so I am crossing everything and praying this is just some fatal illness making me feel so nauseated.

Thinking back, I have been kind of off for many weeks. I remember now, refusing to go on the last few girl's nights out with Jess and the gang, and of course Edward thought I was being all sensible and thoughtful, not wanting to leave him home alone while we partied, but in reality, I had felt too damned tired and wiped out.

Two lines, what was that, negative, yeah?

Oh fuck no.

No fucking way.

I grab a second test then the third and even the fourth because the fuckers are lying little sticks of shit here and all four match up perfectly.

Four sticks, four brands, deep down I know the fuckers are speaking the truth.

I'm dead.

Fucking Edward will be over the moon, we'll be down that aisle quicker than you can say "congratulations, welcome to Hell".

Unless...

I mean, I don't have to tell him. It's my body after all, not his. He has no right to tell me what I have to endure. I hide all four sticks in my purse and carefully gather up every piece of packaging and wrap them all inside a few pages from a magazine, and carefully push the bundle to the very bottom of the kitchen tidy.

I shower and dress and clean my teeth again and the smell of whatever atrocity he is making for breakfast hits me as I walk out.

"Good morning," he says brightly and I narrow my eyes and calculate how much I want to hang on to him, because if he knew...if I went ahead with this, he would stick with me forever. Is he worth it?

I know he has money, and he is a doctor and is anyone else with both of those assets ever going to cross my path again? And want to fall into my bed? I've had plenty of men in my bed before him and none of them had been able to offer what he does. Or willing. Or be as fucking good at fucking. I would miss his seriously good fucking, not that he touches me now.

I don't even know why he wants me, to be honest. I can only assume he pretends I'm her.

I do feel kind of sorry for him, it's impossible not to, his life sucks much more than mine. He can never have the one woman he wants and if we stay together,never even have a kid as compensation.

I almost weaken, but shit, if I have to squeeze out a baby, it can be far in the future, when the boobs have gotten tired and droopy anyway.

Nope, this is not happening.

"Good morning," I mutter and he places two plates of some ungodly mess on the table.

"Oh, sorry, can't stay, I have the early shift at the hospital," I lie.

A quick kiss and I'm out of there and on the cell, telling Maria not to bother coming in, I will cover her shift then do my own.

Carlisle looks like he had a rough night and he's due to go home but I corner him and ask to see him in his office and he complies.

The man doesn't like me, it's the usual fucking Team Bella thing, but he tolerates me and is always respectful and polite so I can handle it.

"What's the problem, Bree? It's been one of those nights, the flu is doing the rounds and every older resident and youngster has been through these doors last night. I just need to get home and grab some sleep."

"Well it's like this. Your contraceptive Pills have failed me and I need..."

His face lights up in a smile, like he has never bestowed on me before, and suddenly I'm in his embrace and he's laughing and kissing my cheek and welcoming me to the family, finally.

Fuck, it's almost tempting...

No, fuck them all. They think I'm not good enough for their little prince of a son, then they don't get to enjoy a grandkid from me.

"And as I was saying," I speak over his blathering on about how thrilled Edward will be and Esme will be knitting or some shit, "You need to fix this. I want a therapeutic abortion, today if possible."

My words finally get inside that so called clever brain of his and the smile disappears.

"But Edward..."

"Edward knows nothing about this and he never will," I state firmly.

His face is the total opposite of what it was, and he looks like he will cry. Fucking new age men, I hate them and their fucking tears. Why don't they grow up and be real men, like men used to be? All these feelings and compassion bullcrap wears me down, like men have feelings. Give me a fucking break, all they feel is good old lust, if they are honest. Not that I care, lust is fine, lust is what got my man back in the first place. If not for lust he'd still be walking around in a fog of misery whining over my fucking sister.

"Bree, you need to attend counselling and think this through. All Edward's ever wanted is a family. And how far along are you? First we need to do a scan and get an idea of how far this pregnancy has progressed."

I shrug, whatever gets me in the OR and gets this thing cut out, is okay with me.

I'm naked under the paper gown and on the table and my Father-in-law to be is squeezing gel onto my abdomen and then the transducer glides and he frowns and looks at me, then back at the screen.

"I'm estimating four to five months, Bree. It's not a simple thing, doing a termination at this late stage. Didn't you have any warning signs earlier? You really need to consider going to term and delivering this child. Look here, there's ..."

He pauses and moves the transducer again, urgently.

"Bree, I was going to say there's it's little face but look, there's it's twin. You are carrying two babies. An instant family. And look, you have hit the jackpot like Alice did, this one's a little girl and the other looks like...yes, a boy. A son and a daughter. The Cullen genes shine through again."

Twins? Two kids making my waistline a memory?

I lay really still because I seriously want to puke.

I watch and feel him as he moves the thing over, around, scanning my belly from all angles, and there's a stupid smile on his face.

Finally he hits the button on the top of the machine and it spits out a dvd of the whole scan.

"Take this home and watch it, and see your little babies growing inside you. You can't hurt them, Bree. They are little people already. They deserve to live."

"Carlisle, while all this is totally _interesting as fuck,"_ I snarl sarcastically,"when can you get rid of them? I would prefer today, before I get stretch marks."

That wipes the gormless grin away.

He scowls and reaches for a leaflet and hands it to me.

"Washington State law says you can legally demand a termination until the fetus is viable, at around 23 weeks..."

"And I am at..."

He frowns.

"Twenty to twenty one weeks," he admits grudgingly.

"Then you can do this today. Carlisle, you are not fobbing me off with counselling and shit so I get past the legal limit. Forget that."

"As I was saying, if her doctor considers her life or health is in danger. There's nothing to indicate that is the case. You are young, healthy, no problems, there is no reason to abort."

"Except the fact I'm not going to be some fucking incubator and waddle around like a beached whale. Make the arrangements. I won't bother get redressed, take me to the OR. If you do it early Edward won't even be here, he's got the two o'clock shift. It will be over by then and I can tell him I had a hormonal bleed and you did a D&C."

"Bree, there's no way any doctor in this state would terminate two healthy twenty one week fetuses because you don't wish to lose your figure. That is not a life or death situation. Face up to it, you and Edward are going to be parents."

"Which states allow abortions at this stage, without a medical emergency?" I asked. No man tells me what the fuck I do with my own body and I did not put myself up for tenants to move in, they are being evicted as soon as is humanly possible.

"You will not find anyone willing to do this, not in a professional medical environment, and before you decide on a backyard abortionist, let me assure you the operation done in any setting other than a fully equipped hospital would probably kill you too."

I sneer at the strategically spoken 'too', no doubt he wants to beg and plead for his grandchildren's lives.

"Then we have a problem. Do you certify this pregnancy too dangerous to continue, or do I go risk my life at the hands of some butcher and leave you with my blood on your hands? Could your conscience cope with knowing you sent me to my death?" I ask dramatically.

"Edward would never forgive you."

"Bree, Edward would never forgive you, if you do this. I'd even go as far to say, when he found out, you would be better off dead than facing his wraith. He loves children, do one decent thing in your life and give him the family he craves. You know he'll marry you, and buy you whatever you ever desire if you give him a family. On the other hand, patient records are available to every doctor in this hospital, I mean, what if I were unsure when you had your last pap smear and asked Edward to check your records?"

"Then we would both be in a spot of bother, wouldn't we? He'd know you did the termination, do you seriously believe he'd ever forgive YOU for that?"

"I do not ever perform abortions, even to save the mother's life. I refer women in that situation on to an OB/GYN."

"Then refer me, goddammit and let this be done today."

"I'm never going to certify this pregnancy as any threat so forget it and grow up. You conceived them, you carry them to term."

"Excuse me, who gave me the faulty fucking Pills in the first place? Who couldn't keep his dick in his pants and knocked me up? This is completely down to you and your son, don't start blaming me for having what I thought was completely safe protected sex. I dare say at your age you have forgotten what sex is like, but yes, young women today are entitled to have some fun, if they take precautions, which I did."

He bit his lip and there it was, the old hand tugging on the hair thing, just like his son. The entire male line of Cullens should be bald, they torture their hair so often.

"Bree, these little babies are alive. They are trusting you to keep them safe and give them life and you will change your mind and love them when they arrive. And my son will be your slave for life, think about that if you can't consider the lives of your children."

I laughed.

"You forget, Edward is already my slave, I don't need a pair of rugrats to keep him around."

"You kill them and I guarantee he will walk. I will risk my own career to save these babies, if you won't see sense and find some scrap of decency inside you, then I will tell Edward you are pregnant. You can't honestly think I'd value my career over his children's lives?"

Fuck.

Stand off.

"Calm down, old man. Okay, you don't have to do it yourself but please think about certifying the pregnancy and I will think about going ahead? One week, Carlisle. I'll wait seven days for you to do what I'm asking and certify this pregnancy is dangerous to my health and life, and I'll think about having them instead and we agree my final decision is what happens? I'll go to counselling right here, first session tomorrow, and I'll abide by the rules, and you will think this through and not tell Edward yet? Right?"

"Bree, all I'm asking is you think about it for a while. One week, if that's all you'll agree to, but really think deeply about this. If nothing else, these twins are your tickets to a sweet ride for the rest of your life.

I won't tell Edward so long as you attend counselling here and you look at the scan dvd and try to find some connection with your children. You leave town or disappear anywhere for a single hour and I call my son. See you tomorrow."

"Patient confidentiality until then, Carlisle. Don't go blabbing to Esme and sending her around with those knitted baby sock thingeys, that won't make me change your mind. You can sit in on the counselling sessions, you will realise these kids are better off out of here. I don't want them and I never will. Bye. Thanks for all your _help,_" I sneered as I slammed the door.

I booked the session with the shrink for the next day and headed off to start my shift. Well, Maria's shift.

There was a buzz going around amongst the staff and I wondered what was going on, then I overheard some skanky ho discussing the sexiness of my Edward and paused , hidden behind the door, and listened.

"I bet you a fifty the minute she gets off the bus, he will forget Bree even exists and he will snatch Bella away and hide her in some love nest and never let her leave again. He must know by now what a stupid mistake they made. I bet she wants him back just as much. This is so romantic and it'll put Nurse I'm So Fucking Clever in her place. I can't wait."

"What time is her bus arriving?"

"This morning, he changed his shift to this afternoon, the man can't wait to see her again."

"Oh but I mean, it was true love and that doesn't die. They'll be back together by tonight."

"Shit, we have to check Mrs Flemmings drain for blood, come on."

I turned and walked the other way and seethed inside.

Neither Edward or my sister had even seen fit to tell me she was coming to town. I called Maria to tell her she needed to cover my shift after all, but got no answer.

Well, there's no way that pair are spending any time alone together because I know what they had and I know they'd both do anything to have that back again and it will not be happening. I grabbed the list of nurses and started calling around, looking for a replacement so I could leave and protect what was mine now. Fucking Bella can go to Hell.

Edward's POV

I watched as Alice and Bella strapped the twins into my sister's car and put the stroller and Bella's bag into the back, then shadowed them as they headed for Charlie's. Surely Bella will visit my parents and maybe even Emmett and Rose, to see their daughter, while she is here.

She had sent me a warning text that she was coming, and I had been waiting impatiently at that bus depot for hours already. It was probably a good thing my sister arrived and collected her otherwise there may have been a very big and obvious public display of affection, because I could not wait to get her in my arms.

Someone up there clearly didn't hate me as much as I thought, because Charlie's cruiser was not in his driveway and Bella got out and took her bag and waved Alice off, calling out her agreement to attending dinner with our entire family tonight.

I waited until Bella was inside, and Alice's car was out of sight, then pulled into the driveway and hurried up to knock on the door.

Bella's face lit up like a Christmas tree as she saw me and there, finally, I had her in my arms once again.

I stepped us both inside without breaking the hold, and kicked her front door shut behind us.

"Edward, my God, I had all these rules about not being alone with you, and not..."

I cut whatever she was saying off with my lips and kissed the hell out of her. God, how anyone could ever imagine Bree could take the place of this woman was ludicrous and even more, how we ever imagined we could stay apart was nothing short of madness.

I guess I should be ashamed to say I felt not one iota of guilt as I pulled Bella's clothes away and she was grabbing at mine and we never made it past that front room. I was grateful there was that old sofa because the thought of us becoming one again even on the cold worn wooden floor was too good to miss.

I was inside her as she opened up like a precious flower to me, and finally, finally, I got to make love again. My body screamed in complete bliss as I felt her body surround me. I know I had been having sex until the last few months drought, but it did not compare with this, not for a single second.

Despite wanting to go at it like there was no tomorrow, we both paused as the current hit us and I looked into her eyes as we both laughed. I shook my head, insane, both of us. Completely and utterly insane to ever imagine anything could ever be better than this.

I leaned down and kissed her again, deeply, expressing all my love and longing and regret in that one action and I felt her lips respond and her eyes welled up as I pulled my head back so I could watch her face as I thrust inside her, gently, slowly, feeling the buzz, feeling the pain leave and the joy replace it. I truly wanted us to both just die here and now, and leave this shitty and hostile world behind. So long as we both went to the same place, Heaven or Hell, it would be enough, just to be together again. As we made love, I think we both knew. There would be no more running and hiding and pretending, we were meant to be together and that was the only truth in this world that even mattered.

Bella's body rose to greet mine each time, and I slid in so deep and never wanted to leave, but we both wanted that ultimate thrill, that joint explosion, that fulfilment of passion, and love and life itself.

Her hands were holding me as tightly as possible and she clutched me to her each time I slid inside her sweetness. She smiled, a real, proper Bella smile and I grinned, then changed it to the same genuine smile of love and welcome and just being. We were home, it didn't matter that this was happening on Charlie's old red sofa, we were home because we were together again at last. The jolt of current shot right down inside me, through me, thrilling me to ecstasy and from me into her very core, and we shook with the intensity. It could never be like this with anyone else, it was a Bella and Edward thing.

Neither held back as we cried out one another's names, what did we care who heard? They were only hearing the truth.

I smothered every inch of her face with kisses, gentle, soft but possessive kisses. She tasted like Heaven.

"I love you, my Bella," I stated firmly, out loud. I have never said those words to anyone else because they wouldn't be true. I would never diminish their importance by saying them when I didn't mean them with all my heart and soul.

"Edward, God, what are we going to do?" Bella cried, clutching at my body, refusing to release me from inside her after our joint orgasm had thrown us so close it was impossible to know which parts were me and which were her. It felt right and like whatever had happened in the past, since she left, was completely irrelevant.

"I'm going to offer Bree a million dollars for an egg donation," I told her. "It will work, she loves money and all the luxuries it will buy, it's not as if she really cares much for me. I have tried, Bella, I tried to make her be enough, like you wanted but she just can never be what I need. I need you, I want you, I love you. None of those will ever change. I don't even care if we never have a child any more, I just have to have you back."

"We have been blind, and stupid, I agree. Maybe we could adopt, or foster, or I dunno, raise poodles or something, but you are right and you always were, this is madness. I can't leave again."

"Oh thank God, because I was figuring out how to tie you up and keep you in a basement somewhere until you agreed to stay."

My lips were back on hers and she smiled as we kissed and the shock of the simmering electricity jolted us again.

Bella pulled away. "I want to go to the cottage, to the meadow."

So did I, so much. We dressed and fled from the house, as my pager sounded, and my cellphone rang. I put both to silent, the ill and broken of Forks would have to manage without me today. I felt a twinge of guilt because Carlisle had done an all nighter but surely he could get a locum in if it was too busy for whoever was there to handle alone. I called up one of my colleagues, and offered him baseball tickets if he took my shift today and was surprised at his reply.

"Not a problem, Edward, I knew this would happen, so I'm actually dressed and ready to go in after lunch."

"How did you know?" I asked, I hadn't indicated in any way I would not be at work today because I had intended going until right now.

"Come on, I'm not a moron. As soon as the nurses said she was coming to Forks today, I knew I was on for an extra shift, Cullen. Have fun. Think of me when you two...um...talk."

"Hey, I'm grateful to you for filling in for me but I assure you, I will not spare you a single thought."

"I expect not," he laughed."Hey, want me to administer an anesthetic to the other one and put her in a bed in ICU for the day?"

"Fuck. Bree," I muttered out loud.

"No thanks, I'd rather just knock her out if it's all the same to you," he laughed and disconnected.

The cottage instantly smelled warm and sweet and of Bella as she walked inside, running her hands lovingly over every surface. "God, I miss this house. I miss you a million times more, but I visit this place in my dreams. You are always here, in our bed, waiting for me. I hate waking up to reality again."

"We need to do things, change things. This has to be our reality again. We can make it, Bella, baby or not. It was so selfish of me to want my own genetic child, there are so many children out there, like Angela's little girl, who need a home. We could adopt a dozen of the and raise them here."

"Hmm, a dozen. I was thinking two, maybe three, but a dozen?" she laughed and I kissed her.

We walked upstairs hand in hand and stopped at the doorway, looking at our waiting bed, and I froze.

"I stripped it back to the bare mattress when I last left," I said, frowning.

"I'm thinking Alice. Look, flowers in a vase, a bottle of champagne and two glasses, Belgian chocolates. This is your sister the witch's work."

There was even a tiny black lace negligee thing that I looked forward to shredding.

"Oh wouldn't it be nice to have one single secret. Never going to happen, right?"

"Not with Alice around. That's so sweet of her. Come on, I hope the hot water is working, she would have thought of getting the power back on, right?"

She had. Bella and I stood under the falling stream of steamy water and tenderly touched places we had missed and longed for and dreamed about.

"So, we have to talk about it. What about Bree? Will this hurt her?" she said. It was so like Bella to have to consider everyone else before herself.

I rubbed my face. "She doesn't care about me as a person, any rich doctor would do. You know I never wanted to be with her in the first place, I did it for you alone. It was never going to work, believe me, that cliff top was looking mighty attractive about now. It's all been a ridiculous, useless farce and we all know that. I just wish I'd refused to even try. I feel kind of dirty."

"Let me wash you clean again, then. So, what do we tell her?"

"The truth. She can keep the apartment and I'll give her a settlement large enough to stop her objections, and I know I'll look a complete bastard, but whatever. So long as I have you, I don't care what anyone else thinks."

"Charlie may come after you with his gun."

I laughed. "Charlie doesn't scare me. The only person in this world who can hurt me is you, Bella. Charlie could shoot me, but I would rather die than live without you again."

"I know. I can't believe how stupid I have been and I'm so sorry for ever starting this. Can you forgive me?"

"If you can forgive me for fucking your sister. Believe me, that was all it ever was. Sex without the love to accompany it is really bad, my love. I never want to experience that again."

"No, neither do I," she admitted. She looked up into my eyes and stroked my face.

"We both need forgiveness, I tried to kill us as well, you know."

"I never want to talk about it or know who it was, okay? You forgive me, I forgive you, we leave the past behind us and move on, agreed? It was meaningless, right? For you?"

"Absolutely. He's out of my life already, but we have to deal with Bree, and soon. Tonight."

"Dinner at my parents house. I know it's hardly the best setting but the truth is out tonight and we come home to this cottage together, and begin again, right?"

"I can't wait."

"Then let's not waste any more time," I said, turning off the faucet and wrapping her in a big fluffy towel. Two had mysteriously been hung right in this bathroom for us to use.

"I should call Alice," Bella said. "I need to thank her. For everything."

I lay back on the bed and watched her face as she called my sister and repeated how much we appreciated all she had done.

"Oh, okay, Alice. He's right here." Bella handed me the phone and I heard my sister huff, and knew she was crying, which was a little over the top.

"Edward, make this afternoon the best time of your lives, okay? No wasting a single second. Believe me, you need to do this."

"Everything will be fine, Alice. Now I have some catching up to do, bye."

Her sobbing disturbed me but I could deal with her issues later.

Right now I had my Bella and a big comfy bed.

X~x~X

I fully expected and no doubt deserved Bree's wrath but other than a quick scowl and a comment about me turning off my pager and cell, she seemed more concerned we got to my parent's house on time. I had showered and dressed before she got home so I was sitting on the sofa, debating whether it would be kinder to tell her here and save her any humiliation in front of the others. Yes, that would be better. I know Bella wanted to be with me for support and to face Bree's hate of us both, but this would be the better option.

She paraded around almost naked, just a small towel around her waist but her body held no appeal for me. It had been months anyway, since we had been together that way. The sex had just petered out over time and we were hardly more than room mates now.

"Bree, you probably shouldn't come to Mom's tonight. You know Bella's back and I'm sure you have some idea how that reconciliation went between us today. We have to be adult about this. Nothing will keep us apart and I don't want you embarrassed by the announcement that is going to happen. You should stay here. I won't come back, and I'll sign ownership of this apartment over to you in the morning. Jenks is preparing the papers."

"Don't talk like that. Of course I'm coming and by the way, I forgive you for your little slip up today. I guess I knew it would happen. I tried to save you from it, but you did cut all forms of communication, remember that. Now come on, it would be too bad to be late for dinner."

Well, I had tried.

Carlisle opened the door and for a man who had never liked Bree and always loved Bella, the look on his face did not match the joy on mine.

"Edward," he greeted me, shaking my hand , staring into my eyes and only seeing happiness. He shook his head sadly, which was weird, then he turned to Bree.

"How are you tonight, Bree? "

"Fine," she answered, smiling and leaning up to kiss his cheek. That was a first. Usually Dad spoke with barely concealed dislike hidden by ultra, over the top politeness when he addressed her. Tonight he just looked...defeated?

"Could we have a word, Bree? I think I could offer you a satisfactory..." he asked and she stood her ground and smiled as she cut him off.

"Nothing to discuss. Let's get inside, see the others. There's an announcement happening tonight and you all want to be there for it."

I frowned and shook my head. She _wanted _an audience for her humiliation?

I all but forgot she existed as my Bella rose from the chair and walked towards us, making my heart beat out of control and the magnetic pull tried to close the gap. Bree pushed past me and grabbed her instead.

"Bella, my dear sister, you look well. So nice to have you back for this weekend. Dad will enjoy your little visit."

Bella raised her eyebrows at me over Bree's shoulder as her sister pulled her in for a hug.

"Drinks?" Dad said dully.

"Champagne," Bree answered and my father looked at me like he had just turned me in to to the law or something. I know he did not approve of the fuckery that had gone on, but surely he could find it in his heart to be happy for Bella and myself?

Alice was avoiding eye contact and her face was white and tear streaked, and Jasper was clearly holding her up. What the fuck? Why couldn't she stand alone? Why did he have to support her like some cripple?

Carlisle handed out glasses of the sparkling drink and I almost felt afraid to taste it. It seemed kind of like one of those scenes in a movie where the cult leader handed out the poisoned Kool Aid.

Bella stood by my side, and held my hand and we intertwined fingers, drawing strength from one another.

Bree frowned and took my other hand. I tried to shake it free but she clutched it tightly as her other hand rose into the air, holding up something she had just taken from her purse. It was a dvd.

"Family, Edward and I are so happy to announce that we have two little surprises for you all. We are expecting twins, a boy and a girl. Carlisle kindly made me a dvd to show you all how amazing they are. Would you all drink to the future little Cullen's?" she said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Once again, you will hate Edward. All I can say is, come back and read the last chapter if you find him unbearable at the moment.**

**Seppuku- Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment.**

**Bedsit- can't find an equivalent word- a room you rent that has bed, kitchen area, tv, all in one room, usually you share a bathroom with other residents who rent the other bedsits.**

The Nanny

Chapter 8

Edward's POV

Who would have imagined the news I was going to be a father would make me wish I was dead? I mean, this is what I wanted, had wanted, all my life. This was why my wife divorced me, so someday some woman would make this very announcement.

Who would have imagined the announcement would be met not with tears and cries of joy, but with shocked horror. Well, mostly that. Alice and my father clearly already knew, I must remember to thank them for the heads up. Oh wait, they hadn't warned me.

Bree stood there smiling like this was _good _news, not like my world had just crashed and burned yet again.

Bella looked at me with such devastation and pain I would have died right then and there if I could have.

"No," I said, clinging tightly to Bella's hand. "No, we are not splitting up again over this. You promised, you said nothing would ever tear us apart again."

Bree shrugged and grinned her evil grin at her sister and drained the glass of champagne. Every other glass had been set down on tables, discarded. Nobody wanted to celebrate this announcement.

"Bella, speak to me," I urged desperately. She was as pale and still as an alabaster statue, I wasn't sure she was even breathing.

Bree walked to the television set and inserted the dvd into it and the screen was filled with the freaky images of two well advanced fetuses, floating in separate sacs, together yet kept apart by those thin membranes.

My mother was crying as she walked closer to the images and reached a finger out to caress the screen. "Edward's little babies," she said, turning to face me, tears pouring down her cheeks.

Bree looked around, surveying us all.

"Oh come on, somebody say Congratulations. Carlisle, I seem to remember you begging me to have these kids and make Edward the happiest man on the planet? Now you look like you wish you could make them disappear and never exist? Fuck me, you Cullen's are a strange lot.

Bella, for God's sake, breathe or something. Buck up, nothing's set in stone. Edward could choose you and I could go get a termination and we could all pretend these kids never existed. I'm sure if you told him that was what you wanted, he would agree. I mean, they are only at twenty one weeks, they probably wouldn't feel a thing. Would they, Carlisle? I really have no medical knowledge. Would they know they were being murdered? Would they feel pain?"

Bella rushed from the room and I tore after her and held her hair back helplessly as she vomited into the powder room toilet.

"Bella, she wouldn't do that, don't listen to her. She's manipulating us all. I'll pay her whatever she wants to hand them over to us when they are born. You know she doesn't want them. Why would she keep them herself? She won't abort them if we stay together. She knows these twins are her ticket to being rich. I'll give her every penny I own. I don't care if we have nothing. So long as I have you, and these babies, what more will we need? At worst you know we can live with my parents until I earn enough to get us a place of our own. Bella, you can't leave me again. Please don't do that. Please."

I sank to the floor and stopped speaking, she wasn't listening anyway.

She stood and walked to the vanity basin and washed out her mouth and took a towel and soaked the corner and washed the streaked make-up off her face.

"I'm calling Jacob. I'm sure he can arrange for new tickets, we will leave tonight. Don't underestimate her, Edward. She'll kill them just to see us both suffer. You have to go out there and agree to whatever she wants. It's not going to be some settlement for money. She could have sold us her eggs long ago if it were about money, she knew you would pay whatever she asked for an egg donation.

If she kills those babies, she kills our souls. I will never come back, just go and be with Bree and make sure she looks after your children so they are born alive and healthy. I'm leaving now, Goodbye, Edward. I'm not taking my cell, I'll buy a new one and it's best we don't ever speak to one another again. You have a new life now, and it doesn't include me. Just let me go. That's what I want, what I choose. Just let me go and don't try and stop me."

I faced her and held my arms out to her, I just needed to feel her in my arms one last time.

She stood there at the door and shook her head and spoke into the phone.

"As soon as you can, Jake. I'll be waiting out the front on the porch. Thanks."

She shut the phone and placed it on the sink and turned and walked away.

X~x~X

Carlisle attempted to make me stand and walk out of that room, off the cold tiled floor but somehow my legs didn't seem to work anymore. I don't think they had bones in them. I couldn't feel any part of my body and I allowed Emmett and Jasper to half carry me upstairs and my father injected some kind of drug into my thigh and I watched, amazed, as it didn't even prick. I had no sensation at all and I waited for the black and welcomed it when my eyes flickered and my eyelids closed.

I don't know how long I slept but Mom was there at my bedside and it was light again, it looked like sometime in the morning.

She held a glass with a bendy straw to my lips and I sucked and swallowed. The look in her eyes was pure pain and I took the glass from her and sat up.

"Where is she?" I asked and my Mom frowned.

"Bree. Where is she?" I asked. I mean, I knew where Bella was. As far as she could get away from here. I doubted they were even heading for California now, seeing Jake knew he had told me that was where they would be.

They were probably in Alaska or Canada, anywhere they thought I would never find them. I knew already I was not going to even look . Sometimes you just know nothing you do will change anything, and I had a woman pregnant with my twins and their lives were completely in my hands. Bella would never ever forgive me if I stood back and let Bree have them killed.

"She slept in the guest room and she is currently sitting downstairs, watching some show on the television in the media room. Your father offered her.."

"Don't. Forget it. I know what she wants. She's won, Mom. Can I have a shower? Are there any of my clothes still here?"

Mom got me a towel and some jeans with tags still attached that she or Alice had bought me sometime and a Tshirt and sweater I had left here. I showered and dressed and she was there, holding a large white box.

"We bought this for your next birthday but we won't see you on that day now, will we?"

"Mom, please try and understand. I can't live here any more. Bree always wanted to go to New York. I imagine I can get a position there in a hospital, or Dad will pull some old favors in and find me a job. I don't care where it is or how I get it."

I opened the box and smelled the aroma of new leather. It was a fitted black leather jacket and in normal circumstances, I would have enjoyed this gift. I shrugged it on and Mom handed me a bottle of pills of some kind.

"Your father said to take these four times a day. Edward, he said to tell you to be sure to always use this particular drug, they can be taken while the patient is still consuming alcohol, not many anti- depressants allow that." Good to know my parents were accepting just how my life would be from now on.

Numb.

I opened the lid then and checked the label. Two with water. I swallowed them dry and walked downstairs.

Dad was nowhere in sight and the house was so quiet it must be empty, there were certainly no nieces or nephew here.

Bree looked up and smiled at me and patted the seat beside her on the sofa.

"I was thinking, maybe Sophie? Do you like that? Or Natasha, sounds kind of cute with there already being a Natalie. And what about Edward junior for the boy? I expect he will look just like you. Have you noticed, the two granddaughters both look exactly like Rose and Alice, and Josh is the image of Jasper, so our son will look like you and the girl will look like me."

I picked up my carkeys and opened the front door.

"Oh, we are leaving?" Bree said, turning to wave at my Mother, who stood there silently.

"We have to pack. I will find us an apartment in New York but we can stay in a hotel until then. Maybe we can get tickets for a flight out tonight," I stated flatly.

Weirdly I still felt nothing. No pain, no despair, I was far beyond their reaches now. We packed, and I threw a lot of my belongings into a large cardboard box. Old photo albums, framed photographs, a box of memento's from our wedding, clothes that held particular memories I never wanted to remember again. I worked like a robot, sorting, folding, closing my suitcases, throwing out leftover food from the fridge and cupboards along with the last dregs of my former life. Bree packed her own stuff and lay on the bed watching me as I moved from room to room, never speaking, never feeling. It wasn't that bad, being the empty shell of myself. It didn't hurt like I had been hurting since the first time my wife walked out on me. It was different, devoid of hope. I had thought I had reached rock bottom before but I hadn't.

Now I was there and it was okay. If you never hope for anything then you will never be disappointed.

I called a cleaning service and gave them my credit card details so they could charge it when they were done cleaning this place, and when Jasper came to the door, I put the box into the trunk and asked him to dump it somewhere, in a trashcan, whatever. Then I handed him my car keys and told him to keep the car in case Alice wanted it as her own. Her car was probably too small now they had twins, mine was larger and had plenty of room in the back for baby seats.

We shook hands but I didn't go to say goodbye to anyone else. What was there left to say?

I couldn't live here and watch them be loved up and happy, all I could do was be there for my children and try to find a way to want them by the time they were born.

Bree chattered on about our wedding and I cut her off.

"Registry office, no guests."

She went to argue then realized this was not a negotiation and shut up, nodding. She watched me as I faked sleeping on the plane and we caught a cab to a hotel and I sat on the small balcony overlooking central park and smoked, despite the ban.

What could they do to me? Lock me up? Like I cared.

Bree found some apartments she liked on the Internet and we went to view the six most promising and I made an offer on the one she apparently fell in love with, and it was immediately accepted. The owners, the Thompson's, were going overseas to live and wanted to sell quickly, before they left the country. We negotiated a deal for us to rent the place until the ownership papers were exchanged and agreed on a price for the furniture, seeing they were open to selling it fully furnished. I had no intention of looking in furniture stores and such, whatever was already in the place was fine for them so therefore fine for us.

Bree had the enormous main bedroom upstairs with the grandiose marble bathroom and sitting room with walls of glass that showed fantastic views of the city below. I imagined she would make the other rooms up there into hobby rooms or whatever. There was a walk in closet the size of a large room and another with shelves all around, for shoes. Shoes would have more room than the average American child had in their bedroom.

I had a downstairs bedroom, the smaller of the four, I didn't own much now. The largest bedroom down here would be the nursery and the other two were suitable for staff, with their own private en suites and small sitting rooms with kitchenettes. One was already occupied by the current housekeeper. She had indicated she was willing to stay on.

In between, the middle floor housed the kitchen, sitting rooms, guest room, powder rooms, and a small library plus a nice sized study. I guess it was an amazing space but I didn't care, a bedsit would have done for me.

We had a penthouse thus a roof garden with a hot tub and small lap pool, and the whole area was landscaped and had pergolas and outdoor furniture. There was a glass walled workout room with all the usual equipment, and a changeroom and full sized bathroom to service anyone using the pool as well. I actually liked the garden better than the actual apartment and it gave me somewhere to sit with Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels.

I didn't really care if I worked or not but my father called my cell and told me he had set up an interview at a small private hospital that he thought I might enjoy working in, so I dressed neatly and went, and accepted the position when they offered it to me.

It was good really, now I could start a routine. Workout for an hour of a morning, make myself breakfast before the housekeeper got up, shower and dress and be gone before Bree even woke up, work eight hours, drop into a local bar on the way home.

Eat the meal left in the warming oven by the housekeeper, whom I rarely laid eyes on, watch tv or a dvd in my bedroom, sleep, begin again next dawn.

Bree shopped, swam, slept and pretty much stayed out of my way. She knew this was not going to be a happy ever after for anyone.

We went to the courthouse and said the words and went home again the first weekend after I started working. She ate a celebratory lunch in a fancy restaurant afterwards and I didn't bother ordering a meal, but I nursed a couple of single malts while she ate.

One thing I noticed was, she was drinking pretty heavily herself so I took all the alcohol and locked it downstairs and warned her to lay off and not buy more. These babies had dictated this was my new life now and I wanted children undamaged by the effects of drink and drugs so I put spending money in Bree's bank account in return for her agreement to submit to a weekly drug test. She had never been a heavy drinker before, or much of a user and just flirted with pills and such in the past, mainly on her girl's nights out with Jessica. She agreed to wait until after delivery to resume her social drug use when she saw how generous that allowance was.

She wanted to be a lady who lunched and soon had a set of much more glamorous and wealthy replacements for her old group of friends, and I idly looked them over and wondered if any were worth fucking.

They were rich bitch types who enjoyed a variety of men, and a few had not so subtly offered to

fill my bed while Bree was 'indisposed' during her pregnancy but I hadn't yet sunk low enough to want meaningless sex with random women and who knows where they had been already?

Maybe I would simply find myself a fuckbuddy. I had no intention of ever being in Bree's bed again and maybe someone to fuck would make this empty life a little more bearable.

Bree made it clear the minute she was cleared for sex after the births, she would be having overnight guests upstairs and I bought her a Porsche when she agreed in return, she wouldn't screw around while pregnant.

It seemed a fair deal.

X~x~X

I finally sat down to talk to our housekeeper one day when I got home unexpectedly early, and I found she was in fact a very nice lady. Siobhan was in her sixties and had worked for the former owners as well, so she kept everything going flawlessly.

She had met Bree and I apologized for my wife's behaviour, past present and future as no doubt Bree gave her a hard time and was probably quite rude to her, but Siobhan was a large healthy well built Irish lady and I doubted she took crap from anyone.

"I only have one concern," she said, as I poured myself a glass of Jack and she refused my offer to pour her one as well.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I will of course attend to the washing of the clothes these babies wear and clean their nursery every day but I don't babysit or look after infants at all in the course of my duties. You need to hire yourselves a Nanny. Mariska has been very satisfactory , the Thompson's loved her, she was wonderful with little Callum and his colic. Maybe you would keep her on? She didn't go with them to Africa, and I know she's taking a small vacation before she looks for another position. She loves New York. She's not the most attractive lady nor is she very sociable but she sure knows how to get newborns to stop crying."

Neither attractive nor sociable, that should please Bree.

Her ability to soothe newborns was enough to keep her for those skills alone. I had already raised the subject of Nannies with Bree and she had insisted on a list of restrictions a mile long. No attractive women under ninety five seemed to be the main criteria.

I urged her to be more reasonable, the idea of having the cliche situation of a fuckable Nanny for the man of the house to spend his nights with sounded okay to me, so after meeting Mariska, in her oversized sweater and brightly embroidered gathered skirt hiding her no doubt dumpy figure, I put my foot down. While she was what the twins needed, her black shoulder length hair looked like birds possibly nested in it and her thick glasses surely could have been exchanged for something slightly more modern? She was never going to attract me into her bed.

"Bree, two babies, we need a second Nanny. And I am not hiring some geriatric to keep you quiet. I want to choose her myself. I'll be paying her wage so shut up."

Interviews went well, you could say some of the applicants showed a LOT of promise. I particularly like a stunning redhead who assured me she was very lonely here in the big city and had no friends...I mean, it's our duty as her employers to make her feel at home and welcome, right, and if Bree was going to insist the Nannies stay downstairs out of her sight, then it would be up to me to show Babette some sympathetic care.

The only stumbling block was her complete lack of qualifications and even the reticent Mariska vetoed her and timidly pointed out the woman had never changed a diaper in her life.

Monique was my second choice. Tall, shapely, spoke five languages, needed a job to satisfy her visa conditions, sadly once again, no qualifications.

So it went on, one woman after another, and the ones who were qualified were dull and boring and of no interest to me, whereas the younger, prettier types were all grossly unqualified or inexperienced, in minding children, that is.

I had my knee squeezed under the table numerous times, by both versions of Nanny, some of the older ladies seemed to simmer with barely hidden promise of sexy times for Edward, but Bree dismissed them immediately.

Time was moving on and nobody had arrived that satisfied all our joint needs. Mariska had done all the Nanny duties before so after she moved back in two months prior to the EDD, she spent her time buying whatever furniture and clothes and equipment two babies would need and I sometimes went with her to carry the larger items to the car.

She didn't speak much, but managed to get what she wanted from the clerks in each store, so I spent those trips grateful to not have to politely converse with her like most people would demand.

Instead I spent my time just thinking happy thoughts about my past and knowing they were just a dream to me now. I could never forget that afternoon Bella and I spent in our cottage, and various activities we had done played themselves over and over in my brain like a video. Mainly I remembered how soft and small Bella had felt in my arms. And how she smelled so fragrant.

Mariska's personality left a lot to be desired but the entire shelf of well thumbed books about childcare and child psychology reassured me she knew her stuff and anytime I questioned her about what she would do in different emergency situations, she would answer sensibly and often bring out a book to back up her intended actions.

Of more interest to me was Siobhan's niece, Jane, whom Bree had agreed sight unseen to come help Mariska on a daily basis, working nine to five as a Mother's Help while she studied five evenings a week at Nanny school to become a qualified Nanny. She only had weeks left to go before being certified.

Mother's Help... that was a laugh, Bree had no intention of touching the twins once they were born.

Jane had her own apartment nearby, and lived alone and I quickly discovered with a few subtle questions, she had no boyfriend. She was young and fit and clearly up for some extra activities, so I agreed immediately to add her to the payroll.

Her long blond hair may have been thanks to the wonders of chemical hair dyes and her bright blue eyes were an unlikely shade to be her own, I suspected contact lenses, but her figure in no way resembled Siobhan's. Although petite, she had curves in all the right places and her rack was adequate. Not artificially enhanced, that was good.

She allowed me to escort her on a tour of our home and she lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of the home gym on the rooftop, and I had, at the very least, my very own workout buddy.

It just remained to be seen what exercises she liked the most.

Of course I would never forget Bella but she was a lifetime ago and my life path was there before me, and any qualms I had about joining the many husbands in the world who settled for a little playing away to get sexual relief faded when an envelope arrived in the mail.

Bree was holding it, tapping it against her knee, when I went upstairs on my usual nightly visit to make sure she and my babies were okay and had made it through another day. We were not enemies but would never be friends again, however we were having two children together so I had no choice other than to get along with her. In short doses, it wasn't that hard, and knowing the lovely Jane was downstairs waiting for our nightly chat made things bearable.

"Letter for you, Edward," she announced as I sat down and drained my first Jack Daniels of the evening.

"So, I do get mail. What's special about this one?"

"It's postmarked Forks and it isn't from Alice or Rose or Esme, I know their writing."

She handed it over, it was more a card than a letter. I didn't recognise the handwriting but as it wasn't from Bella,not that she lived in Forks, I wasn't that interested and I ripped it open in front of her to show her I had no secrets.

Maybe I would in time, if Jane was agreeable, but at the moment, Bree knew everything about me.

It was an over the top fancy engraved invitation for us to attend the second marriage of Mike and Jessica. I laughed and shook my head and handed it to Bree, keeping the two handwritten notes that had been slipped inside. I went downstairs and sat down and as Jane refilled my glass, I opened the first.

_Hi Edward, well, you were right, fucking around was not my style and while I had plenty of women flirting with me, getting them into bed proved somewhat harder so it looks like the best I will ever do is Jessica, what can I say? Sometimes you have to settle for what's available. I guess you know that all too well. I hope you make the trip, I will be sure to have a few bottles of your preferred poison waiting under the counter if you and Gabriella do attend our nuptials. Or if her pregnancy prevents her flying back, then I should point out, Jess's cousin the delectable Claudia is one of the many bridesmaids in this circus and she's very tasty and I can vouch for her being quite fun in the sack, wink wink. If you need a little companionship while you are here. You can stay in our house, we will be honeymooning in Vegas and Claudia is housesitting for us...how convenient, right? Hope you can come, Mike._

The other note was signed by Jessica and clearly for Bree but I idly opened it and read the contents.

_So, well played, congrats on the wedding and all. I told you it would be worth the gamble, announcing the pregnancy. Edward may have wavered but there was not a snowflakes chance in Hell Bella would ever risk a child of his dying under any circumstances. I am sorry you have to actually have those brats but it will be worth it. I love the photos of your new home, is it in your name? I'm sure you are smart enough to have made that a condition of going through the torture of having his kids. And that Porsche? I would give up fucking for more than a few months for one of them, I mean, Tyler's not THAT good in bed, right? You would know. Guess what, I heard on the grapevine there's another wedding being planned. Yes, your sister is apparently tying the knot again, this time with that fucking idiot Jacob Black. They are not coming home here to have the ceremony and so far nobody in Forks has been invited, God, how rude is she? I expect you and Edward will be going, so enjoy that! LOL. I ran into your Dad , he was in Port Angeles buying a tux, (I would pay money to see him wearing it, I always thought your dad was a FILF), and he mumbled something about it being for an award ceremony the Police are having. He blushed from head to foot at the lie, mind you so maybe the wedding is TOP SECRET. So Edward can't turn up and commit seppuku at the altar to stop the ceremony? Send me photos if you go. Bella and Jake, I NEVER thought I'd see the day. She certainly has lowered her standards._

_It's rumored to be happening around four months from now. I guess you may not bother going yourself, no doubt Edward would insist on dragging the rugrats along and God, what a hassle, two screaming brats to put up with on such a long plane trip, I don't envy you. Maybe toss your invitation away before he sees it. I don't imagine she's asked you to be Matron of Honor, maybe matron of Dishonor,lol. Love you, Jessica Stanley Newton Stanley Newton. (LOL.)_

So, there it was, the epitaph.

I didn't dwell on what was lost.

I was a new man, certainly a lesser man than I had been, and I had no hope of ever being that old Edward again but new Edward could embrace life again, like his new wife did, and live for whatever was on offer.

Selfish, uncaring, undoubtedly completely broken, this new Edward would live to party and have some fun. When you can never have the woman you desire, you may as well go for her opposite, so maybe Jane would fit that bill.

She was not strictly beautiful but the first time we snuck out to a club one night, I was truly amazed how well she scrubbed up. In her none too subtle make-up and with her hair sort of teased out and wildly swinging down her back, she was something of a knockout.

I noticed right off every straight male in the club looked her over and appreciated the tight white so-called frock that almost covered her decently, I mean, a chest that pretty had to be somewhat on show no matter what she wore.

I danced with her for an hour or so and really got a lot of looks of complete envy, so as I waited at the bar to be served and she kept dancing alone on the dance floor, the bar tender raised his eyebrows and gave me a high five.

"Fuck me, your date is fucking gorgeous. Seriously, you two ever split up, call me first so I can make a move on her," he said, handing me his card.

I laughed.

"She's not my date, she's our Nanny," I chortled.

"Fuck me, I need to get me a kid so I can hire her," he choked, as she swayed and almost popped out of her scarcely there halter top.

I took our drinks and led her to a booth, walking closely behind her.

Yeah, it's a new life and nothing like what I wanted but I may as well party before I die, right?


	9. Chapter 9

**OMG I know this is just a little story read by few, but the reviews have been GOLDEN! I thank you all so much. I have written the final chapter and it will be up tomorrow, I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you all So much for making this sow's ear into a silk purse by staying until the end and thank you all who read it last time and didn't spill. I love you all! I have the best reviewers at this site, I swear! You all get so involved in my stories. I wouldn't swap my little group of readers for a million half hearted readers, I mean that!**

The Nanny

Chapter 9

The last six weeks of the pregnancy were Hell for us all. Bree whinged and whined and demanded constant attention, Siobhan looked ready to collapse from running up and down the stairs all day and half the night. Jane was banned from even going to Bree's section of the house, and Mariska was keeping her head down, washing and ironing tiny garments ready to be worn by the babies.

I was either Bree's best friend or most hated enemy, depending on her mood. She was genuinely terrified about the delivery and I sometimes lay beside her on her bed and tried to calm her fears. She was just as scared to deliver naturally, with full epidural of course, as she was to be 'ripped apart' by c section.

There was no way to be sure how the delivery would go. Some twins slide out into the world without any problems, one after the other, smooth as silk. Some present wrongly, like, if the first to be born is a breech, the a c section is mandatory in case the babies lock together at their necks.

The fact the twins were fraternal was good, because they had a better chance of a vaginal delivery seeing each had it's own sac, but the sacs could tear and split during labor. Bree pretty much wanted to be unconscious for the entire drama, no matter where they were delivered from so a c section seemed the best option.

"What if the scar tears open in the future? Would I die?" she asked, her voice small and worried.

Her hands were clasped on my arm and I could feel her just about cutting off the blood flow to my hand, she held so tight.

"That's almost impossible, unless you had another pregnancy and even then, the chances are minute. You would be monitored.."

"Oh I'm NEVER going through this again, believe me. I've already asked to have my tubes tied when they do the delivery. And I am having plastic surgery, as soon as possible. I'm not going to breastfeed them, I couldn't bear it. My boobs are already saggy, they can be fixed, right? And the _loose skin with all the stretchmarks,_that can be cut away, right?"

I raised an eyebrow and she nodded permission and I peeled her shirt up and examined her bare belly. She wasn't nearly as big as most women carrying twins, I'm sure nobody who didn't know assumed she was just carrying a single baby, but there were some angry red lines on the sides of her bump.

"You are young, the skin will probably go back into place quite quickly after the birth."

"No way, I don't want those horrid marks on my belly," she cried.

"A tummy tuck leaves scars of it's own," I pointed out and she wailed and the tears began in earnest. I put my arm around her and she curled her head onto my shoulder. I lay my other hand on her naked flesh and felt my children kick and move beneath it. I could distinguish one from the other. The baby that was lower down was in a transverse lie still, laying across from one of Bree's hips to the other rather than head down as most babies would be by now. The upper baby was breech which meant little as second born's often change position once the first baby is out and there is room.

I could feel both their heads through her flesh with gentle probing and I finally began to feel some kind of a bonding begin. She had not allowed me to touch her before like this, so it was the first time I had felt them move. The lower baby was cramped and no doubt uncomfortable and I gently rubbed it and assured him he would soon have a lot more room to stretch once delivered.

The little girl was smaller and still managed to turn and roll every day, to her mother's intense discomfort.

"God Edward, I want them out but I'm so afraid of what that will be like. Please let me sleep through it and wake up after everything's over."

"If that's what you want. You can elect to have a c section, nobody's going to fight you. I'm so grateful that you kept them, Bree. I know you didn't want to at first but you will see, they are real little people and babies are so soft and warm and they smell amazing," I promised her.

"When they don't stink of poop and puke," she murmured.

She fell asleep soon after so I lay there all night just touching and connecting with the babies through her skin. They too slept, and I slipped into slumber myself before morning.

Bree-who-hated-me sent me from her bed in the morning and I stumbled downstairs and gratefully accepted a coffee from Mariska, who was sitting in the kitchen.

"So, what do you think? How much longer?" she asked, and I sat opposite her and hid my surprise that she was actually opening a conversation with me.

"It's hard to say. Neither are head down, it's thought the head is what can set the labor off, so in their positions, she could go to term."

"Six weeks more screaming, until the real screaming begins, then."

I laughed, I hadn't heard her ever joke before. She seemed to have no friends. Unlike Jane, she never went out to clubs or bars at night, she seemed happiest in her room or the other permissible areas of the house. I had never seen her go upstairs but then, it would take a braver woman than her to face Bree's almost constant wrath.

"So, Jane is moving in to the guest room today?" she asked. I nodded. Edward needed to do a little sleepwalking, his libido needed attention.

It had been a while and I needed to fuck out some frustrations and being that close to a warm female body last night had set off some feelings that had been dormant until now.

Not that Bree attracted me, it was just smelling a woman again, touching skin so much softer than my own, seeing her breasts sitting there, larger now...

Hello Mr Lust.

The door opened and Jane appeared and she stood at my side and I slid an arm around her thighs."So, will you help me carry up my stuff? I'm not sure Auntie Siobhan is happy about me moving in..."

"It's more convenient," I murmured, swallowing thickly.

"Yes, but the babies are not even born yet," she pointed out what her aunt had pointed out to her.

"You need time to settle in, make that room into your own. Feel free to decorate it however you want," I said, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my wallet. I handed over a pile of fifties and she took them and smiled. "I would like a bedside lamp and new curtains and a canopy, I love canopies, it's okay to put hooks into the ceiling to hold it up, right?"

"Whatever you want, " I assured her and volunteered for canopy hanging duty later after work.

Mariska watched us darkly and I grinned. Yeah, Edward would be getting some tonight.

X~x~X

The canopy proved to be netting dyed in rainbow colors and her bed cover was bright candyfloss pink, I paused and shook the thought from my brain that the room now looked like any teenage girl's bedroom. She had poster's on her walls, Justin Beiber, Johnny Depp, some group with blackened eyes and all emo clothing, Muse, MCR. The spread gave me no clue but the Justin Beiber worried me. I mean, he looks about fifteen, but she must be older, she has finished High School. I had to ask.

"So, when's your birthday?" I asked. "September," she replied. "I'm a Virgo," she chuckled. I think not.

"And you will turn how old?" I checked.

"I'm legal if that's what you are asking."

"Legal as in allowed to drink?" I hoped desperately, seeing I had bought many alcoholic beverages for her on our nights out.

"Of course. I just look young for my age because I'm petite," she explained and I breathed again.

"And you have had boyfriends?" I said as she placed pink see through squares of fabric over the bedside lampshades to mute their light.

"Oh, you are funny. I'm not a virgin. Two men, one was more or less a _one night stand,"_ she whispered, her face guilty. Well that would fall into the random sex category.

"The other?" I asked. She stopped smiling and clammed up. "I love him and would do anything for him but it's complicated," she admitted. Could be good, maybe I could be her shoulder to cry on?

I finished hanging the netting and we stood back and surveyed the effect. Sort of girlie with a hint of Indian brothel. She tossed a dozen little cushions onto the bed, all in brightly embroidered Indian cotton covers complete with tiny mirrors and bells on each corner. Fuck I hate scatter cushions, you never know what to do with them when you want to make use of a bed. If you toss them on the floor the girl might get shitty and change her mind about what you are there for, if you ignore them and lay on top she may get pissed about that.

I looked around and saw the new addition of a white rattan cane bedroom chair with just a small battered teddybear sitting upon it. It was clearly a childhood toy still cherished. Bree surprised me by having her own teddybear in her bedroom, still kept from when she and Bella were babies and had little matching cuddle pals. Bella was the kind of woman who would keep such a thing but it had shocked me that Bree too, had.

Yes, I'm sure Mr Bear wouldn't mind sharing his big comfy chair, it was a perfect place for any man sharing Jane's bed to carefully stow the damned cushions.

"So, are we going out tonight?" I asked, putting my arms around her at thigh height as she stood between my legs as I sat on her bed.

"Sure. I bought a new dress with some of your money. Want to see it?" she offered.

"Wear it later. I can't wait, I bet you look amazing in it," I grinned, and let her go. Time to visit upstairs and placate the wife.

Siobhan silently handed me my dinner as I passed through the middle storey of the apartment and I thanked her and took my meal up with me. Bree was picking at her own dinner on a tray across her bed, she rarely got out of it and even her OB/GYN made home calls now.

In fact, he was due to have come today.

"Did Dr Matthews visit?" I asked.

"Yes Edward, everything is fine. Your brats are fine. I'm fine. He did agree to the elective c section but he thinks I can go another three fucking weeks."

"37 weeks would be good," I agreed. They were viable now but the longer they stayed inside, the better off they would be at this stage. Most twins are born earlier than term but 37 weeks was probably optimal, staying in until their lungs matured but getting out before too much placental degrading occurred.

"And I am not allowed to lay on my back, he says I have to be on my side so they get more oxygen now they are so fucking big. Edward, I hate this, couldn't they get born sooner?"

"Maybe but it's best for everyone if they cook a little longer," I joked as I devoured Siobhan's fantastic roast pork and vegetables.

"Everyone but me," she sulked. Here we go. "He said he would consider an earlier arrival if you said it was okay."

"Hey, I saw this great spa retreat, I thought maybe after the birth you could go stay there for a few weeks and recover in style. They only allow a dozen guests at any time and each guest has three staff looking after them," I said, attempting to distract her.

"If I have to stay pregnant for three more weeks, then I want to stay there for six weeks," she bargained. I agreed immediately, it was a small price to pay for a lot of extra maturity for my children's organs.

"And I want to go straight from the hospital. You have a Nanny, she can earn her keep."

"We have two nannies, remember."

"Sure," she replied,"Two Nannies. Not a proper Nanny with qualifications and a fuckbuddy for Edward. No, two nannies."

I raised my eyebrows. "Mariska has great references, I'm sure she will be fantastic with the twins," I stated.

"And I'm sure Jane, the so-called niece, has her own talents as well," Bree growled.

"So-called niece?" I quizzed her.

"Siobhan did say she was an only child the first time I met her. I wonder how an only child has a niece?"

"Maybe Jane is her cousin's daughter, or her Goddaughter and she just refers to her as a niece. Anyway, are you sure you want to go straight from the hospital? Do you think you will be ready to be separated from the babies that soon?"

"Edward, please, we all know these are your children, not mine."

I shrugged. "Sell them to me. Give me sole custody. You could keep this apartment."

"Uh uh," she replied. "That would be too simple. I'm thinking maybe in six months time we might come to an arrangement."

Six months. Clearly she knew the word on the Fork's grapevine even without Jessica's letter that I never handed on to her.

I bowed my head in defeat and took our plates down to the kitchen.

Jane was dressed in something red and barely there and I helped her into her coat, and we left to go to the first of many bars and clubs.

I was looking forward so much to what happened later. My pants tightened at the very thought. Edward and even little Edward would sleep well tonight.

X~x~X

I don't even know why I snuck out of the nanny's bedroom like some thief, it was my house and I was fully entitled to sleep wherever I wanted. Siobhan was not yet up so I could avoid her death glare and there was coffee to brew and a shower to take. I hummed happily as I made my own breakfast. No workout this morning, I had enjoyed a workout of a different kind long into the night and I was feeling fantastic.

"You reek of sex," a voice announced and I jerked my head up and spied Mariska about to sit at the breakfast bar. "So, you know what sex smells like," I said, maybe rudely.

"I've had sex, I think it's somewhat overrated," she replied.

"If you've had sex, then you know nothing is going to interfere with my post coital buzz," I stated.

"So, you feel no shame fucking your nanny with your wife upstairs?" she snarked.

"Nope, none at all. Nil. Zilch. Not the slightest. Bree has fucked me in many ways. She fucked my whole life, in fact. It's a pleasure fucking the nanny while Bree lays there like a beached whale all alone upstairs," I gloated.

"I don't think you are a very nice man, Edward Cullen," she answered and I crossed the room and kissed her on her cheek, making her freak out and pull back.

"I know I'm not, but I never claimed to be, anyway," I answered, and took my coffee up to the rooftop.

The view was much better up there. Despite last night's activities on the dancefloor and whatever, Jane was doing a workout on the gym equipment so I relaxed and enjoyed the entertainment and blew her a kiss when she looked my way and waved.

We both took a swim before I dressed and left for work, whistling in my newly found contentment.

X~x~X

Life took on a whole new meaning now sex was back in my daily routine. Sex after a night out or a night in, sex before breakfast, sex whenever the others were out of the house and we had the place to ourselves. Sex in my bedroom,in the spa on the roof,against the wall of the exercise room, there's nothing like fucking a girl against a glass wall where the whole city could watch if they looked up. We were overlooked by higher apartment buildings, I'm sure some spectators watched from above as I thrust into this beautiful woman in my arms over and over until she screamed my name in a very satisfying way.

Sex on a poolside lounger, sex on the steps of the pool, sex on the rooftop floor itself, it was all amazing and gave me a new feeling of being alive again at last. I admit I couldn't get enough and was always looking for new opportunities to just get my freak on.

Fucking can be a very satisfying hobby and I liked my new past time and it even kept the dreams away. If I had to do a whole lot of fucking to keep myself sane, so be it.

Bree was giving me the cold shoulder and most days I wasn't allowed to touch her belly because she knew "where those fingers" had been. More than my fingers, she wouldn't have been letting me kiss her forehead if she knew where my mouth had been either.

I can wholeheartedly recommend fucking your nanny, it would be a shame in that way when these twins arrived and necessitated she do what she was hired for.

With that in mind, I took some time off work and started sneaking my nanny out of the apartment, away from censoring looks and mutterings of the other staff, and tried fucking her against trees and on the grass and behind any building or statue that fitted our needs.

I know I got lost in the act and cried out my Bella's name many times when I was being gentle and going slow and filling this willing body with deep, long thrusts and my head was elsewhere, in the cottage, in the meadow, but fortunately for me, a little trinket of apology got me out of any hot water. A little diamond bracelet, a pretty necklace, a new dress that barely earned the title because it was made with so little fabric.

One night I was thrown, when she greeted me in a skimpy black lace negligee that was very like another I had ravaged long before and I almost paused and thought about what I was doing.

I was trying to fuck away my old life, my memories, my losses, my hate for Bree, my fear happiness may elude me for the rest of my life.

I can't say if it was working long term but each time I slipped inside and was surrounded by warmth, it seemed to be enough an I hadn't gone OCD and needed constant showers afterwards this time.

We nearly blew it the day Bree went into labor.

We had gone for some exercise, because nannies have to keep fit to fulfil their duties so it had been against a tree and then on the grass and also from behind, with her bent over a handy low rise fence and we were both quite red in the face and tired out from the effort when I heard the yell from upstairs as I opened the elevator door.

Everyone but Bree used the elevator that serviced all floors, she alone used the private penthouse one that opened into the upstairs sitting room, so fortunately we had resisted fucking in the elevator on the way up, because as the doors opened, there stood an angry Siobhan.

"You, get washed and go help get the babies coming home clothing packed, you, Mr Cullen, maybe you had better grab a quick shower and then get upstairs. Your _wife _is having contractions. The doctor is on his way, you may wish to be decent by then, _should that be possible."_

I all but ran and showered and dressed, then took the stairs three at a time, and Bree was standing with Mariska behind her, her hands on Bree's shoulders, helping her remember to breathe.

"I'll take over, thanks."

"Mrs Cullen wants me to come to the hospital with her," Mariska said and I nodded and grabbed Bree's bag. "We are not waiting for the doctor, she needs to go now. She's having a c section, remember. We need to get her in fast."

I threw Jane a quick wave as we left.

Bree wanted me with her in the back seat so I hoped Mariska was a good driver in this New York traffic and we headed to the hospital, calling the doctor on the way and telling him to go straight to the hospital and meet us there.

As it turned out, there was no real emergency, Bree had not started to dilate and the operation went ahead calmly with her completely out of it.

My son was handed to me first, angry and red faced to be torn from his warm first home, and I kissed his little wrinkled face and passed him to Mariska as my daughter was handed to me next.

I only had her a few minutes before she was whisked off to be weighed, measured, and washed down, then Mariska and I sat together and held the two little bundles and smiled at one another.

"Your daughter is beautiful," she said fondly and I agreed. I could barely breathe, now she was clean and her hair was washed, she was the very image of her aunt Bella. I know Bree is Bella's twin but there are differences between them, and this little girl had favored her aunt over her own mother. My son was just the image of me, I knew that from the numerous photos Esme had dotted all around the house showing Alice and me from five minutes after our birth.

He was a chip of the old block and even his eyes were already showing numerous flecks of green. His hair was thick and messy and the nurse who brushed it had laughed and given up, just leaving it sticking out in every direction.

"This boy needs to discover hair gel nice and early," she laughed.

"Swap, I want to hold my daughter," I said to Mariska, and I walked to the window and checked for what I wanted to see so badly. There it was, that little sheen of red that highlighted Bella's hair every time she walked into the sun.

"Mrs Cullen doesn't have those auburn highlights," Mariska said over my shoulder.

"The real Mrs Cullen does," I answered her , and sat down again to examine this miraculous little creature. Big brown eyes gazed into mine and there it was. Love. Pure and simple and worth everything.

Worth every heartache, worth all the pain, all the longing, the regret, the whole journey was about this moment and I felt whole again.

X~x~X

True to her word, Bree left for the spa retreat as soon as she was cleared as medically able and I took the twins home with Mariska's help. Bree had expressed no desire to name them, and all she said was "Name her Isabella and I won't even consider ever giving you sole custody."

I couldn't even start to think of another girl's name that would fit so I asked Mariska to choose a name.

"You must have had a name in mind for her, you knew she was coming along for months," she argued.

"Um, the name I would love to call her has been overruled, so think of anything but Isabella."

"Isabella? Okay. I would say a child who looks like such an angel has to have a name reflecting that. Angela, Angelica?"

"Angelica Marie Esme Cullen," I decided there and then, kissing her little face and telling her she was named after her aunt, however subtly.

"And your son?" Mariska asked, lifting him from his crib.

"Brandon Edward Carlisle," I replied.

"Brandon means love," she answered. I nodded. "That's why it is fitting."

X~x~X

Nights were different now. Nights were filled with much smaller warm bodies in my arms and the sex thing took a very back seat as my mind was overtaken by bottles and formula and diaper changing, and rocking gently in a rocking chair for hours.

Jane only worked her nine to five day shift so nights were Mariska and I, sharing the load. She was an amazing nanny, always up immediately to calm whichever twin cried first and I kept my eyes shut for those few extra minutes before the second baby joined in and needed me.

Mariska would smile as I stumbled to lift the baby, and she always had two bottles waiting so I more or less dozed as I rocked and fed and patted.

"This is what life is all about, the true meaning," she said one morning as we sat together watching the dawn arrive and two fat and happy little faces cuddled into our necks.

She had Brandon and I had Angel, as she was called, and it was almost the perfect setting.

If it had been Bella and I sitting in our cottage, watching this , seeing the first rays of light touch the wildflowers in our meadow...it would be perfect.

I guess I finally understood Bella's need to see me with my own children because it was quite amazing and almost the best feeling in the universe.

Bree's reluctant return changed nothing, she had no interest in her six week old babies and refused to do more than allow me to take them to her before bedtime for a quickly administered nightly kiss. By day the twins were in the hands of Mariska and Jane, and I arrived straight home by six every evening to lighten Mariska's load after she managed the intervening hour alone with both babies.

I offered to try and talk Jane into staying longer as I simply could not get home any earlier, but Mariska bravely said she actually loved that hour, when she sat with two babies in her arms, just rocking contentedly on the rocking chair.

I snapped a photo of her one night as I walked in the door and she frowned, but she had looked a different woman as she smiled down at the babies faces, unaware I was there.

I would think all women must like babies to some degree if it were not for Bree, who showed no interest whatsoever.

Six whole months of them being under the same roof as the mother who cared nothing for them could not be healthy, but freedom was to come earlier than I thought or hoped.

One day we were sitting in the nursery when Bree summoned me up into her presence.

"Jess just called. Bella's married Jake. He's back in Forks telling everyone who will listen. You can take your brats and fuck off out of my life now. I want this place, my car, and a settlement. Two million dollars after tax. Take it or leave it."

I took it, and I accompanied her to sign everything necessary and to my surprise, the marriage was allowed to be annulled after we both swore the truth, it had not actually been consummated. All sex between us was long over with before we had been to that registry office. She now owned the apartment and everything in it once we left, and I was sole custodian of my offspring. Bree happily signed away her parental rights and I kissed her cheek for the last time,

I was never so glad to pack my bags and leave. Jane and Siobhan announced they had decided to go home to Ireland for a prolonged vacation, which they needed after working for Bree, and Mariska agreed to accompany me to Forks and stay as long as I needed. I had the key to Bella's cottage, she had signed it back over to me, so I even had a home to return to with my two little sweethearts.


	10. Chapter 10

The Nanny

Chapter 10

The trip home to Forks was long but not unbearable, heading to a new beginning and a modified happy ever after to the original one that had been in my head the day I got married for the first time. Of course, back then I never dreamed there would be a divorce, and all that happened since.

Having a trained nanny at my side didn't hurt, she was excellent as always with the babies. From necessity we slept over in Seattle that night and travelled to Forks fresh and cheery the next day.

The whole family was gathered at my parent's house and the door burst open as we disentangled the twins from their baby seat straps.

Mom was on me first, almost squashing Angel between our bodies as she hugged me in close and she managed to step back with my daughter in her hands somehow.

"God, she is beautiful. Edward, she has red in her hair!" she cried delightedly.

Emmett and Jasper were lifting me up, tossing me about like some play toy and my nanny stood back out of the way, handing Brandon over to Rose at her request to hold him.

We trooped inside and everyone sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"Everyone, this is Mariska, the best Nanny ever born," I said and Alice walked forwards and rudely removed the obnoxious nerd glasses from her face.

"Mariska,pfft. Bella, what the fuck have you done to your hair? It's horrible, that dye will never come out and the perm...what were you thinking? And we won't even mention the clothes."

Bella clapped her hands and laughed in glee. "I told you, Edward. I lived with my sister for months and she never had a single clue it was me, Alice takes one look and outs me, you witch."

"What. The. Fuck," Emmett said, mystified. I placed my arm around my wife of two days and grinned.

"See, all I needed to put up with Bree and her bullshit was to have my beautiful Bella working as our Nanny. We had a Special relationship," I winked, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

"Wait. Bella was your Nanny. How the fuck did that happen?"

"We planned it a long time ago, when we first wondered if there could be a way to get everything we ever wanted. When Bella went away the first time, she decided to do more than her occasional acting roles, she went to nanny school and got qualified then she went to New York and worked for the Thompson family."

"But how did you know Bree would choose that apartment?"

"Simple really. Bella answered dozens of ads for a Nanny in the city and just took the job that was in the apartment most likely to appeal to Bree. Opulent, pretentious, ridiculously expensive. I made sure the other five apartments I dragged her through first all had major defects. Crappy decor, no pool, tenants who were staying for months after the sale, things like that. By the end she was happy to just agree the final one was perfect.

Bella knew the Thompson's only wanted her for a fixed amount of time because of their contract starting in Africa on a given date,so we gambled it would be long enough. Had they gone earlier, I was going to just buy the place and give it to Bree for her birthday but this worked better, she was under the illusion she chose it herself."

"So Bree getting pregnant was planned?" Rose asked.

"Fuck no," I answered. "I truly had given up on the whole baby thing. The original plan was to talk Bree into selling us her eggs or at least, virtually pay Bree to have a baby and sell it to us so Bella trained simply to be prepared to raise that baby, she knew nothing about kids. I don't know how these two were even conceived, I could never talk Bree into going off the Pill. That part was a happy accident, though it certainly didn't seem that way at the time."

"So, you two cooked this all up after Bella left with Jake?"

"I left my cellphone for Edward to keep, I knew he would grab it seeing it was the last thing of mine available to him. He called me, I had all my contacts still inside it, including my new phone, filed under **Bella's new Phone, Call Her.**

He did. We worked it out. We knew how to press all Bree's buttons."

"But she nearly aborted them," Carlisle pointed out.

Bella paled.

"That was the worst part. That's why I left so quickly and coldly and left Edward on the bathroom floor. I had to make her think I was out of the picture. I mean, even Edward thought I was really never going to be with him again , so that was horrible but it had to look real."

"It was real to me," I said quietly.

"I know, but we talked soon after that and came up with the plan, didn't we? And it was worth it, right?"

"I did get to take the lovely Jane out on dates and paw her a little," I laughed and Bella hit me.

"Yes, but you only got to sleep with me. Were you ever tempted, I know Jane wanted you?"

"Ha, like I would sleep with anyone who owned that many scatter cushions, and you saw her bedroom, I doubt I could even get it up in there under Justin Beiber's gaze. Besides, I was making love to my Bella day and night, why would I even be interested in any other girl?"

I kissed her cheek and she smiled and rubbed a hand across my chin.

"Come on, I can't stand that hair, come and let me attempt to shave it off or something," Alice ordered and took Bella away to the bathroom.

"So, you managed to get everything you ever wanted. Bree can't come back and cause trouble when she finds out you two played her?"

"Nope, she virtually sold the twins to me. She surrendered all parental rights, there's nothing she can do, legally and otherwise."

"And Jake?"

"Jake has always been Bella's best friend. He had his friends start rumors at Forks about him being with Bella and the engagement and wedding. He was living near her and taking her out on her occasional nights off, but as friends. He sent home plenty of photos of the two of them together and his sister got some of them published in the Fork's News. His friend Leah hates Jessica but they party in the same crowd so all she did was to keep accidentally letting things slip out of her mouth in front of her, little snippet's about having to buy a dress for the wedding and wondering out loud what gift Jake and Bella would like. Then she'd do the fake 'Ooops, did I say that out loud. _Please don't tell anyone, God, I have such a big mouth. " _Jess grabbed on and spread the word far and wide. Including to Bree in her phone calls."

"And was Charlie in on it?"

I laughed. "Really? You think Charlie would help me out after what happened between me and both his daughter's? He really did need a tux for a big Police ball and he got an award for bravery, that was why he was embarrassed when Jess luckily saw him buying his suit. It was just a random coincidence that seemed to back up the whole secret wedding thing. Bella and I actually flew to Seattle and went to the awards night and he saw me there, but with Mariska, so he probably assumes I just can't keep my dick in my pants.

We had thought about getting wedding announcements printed with Jake and Bella's name and dropping them where Jessica and her empty headed friends would find them but in the end we didn't have to. And think about this, Jake supposedly married Bella yet came back to Forks alone? Nobody even thought that was strange?"

"I guess Jessica is a blond at heart," Esme sighed. "Oh sorry, Rose, no offence."

"None taken, and Nattie forgives you too. Emmett, I want a little boy like this."

"Then go ask Edward for one," Emmett smirked and dodged his wife's slap.

"Okay, smart ass, I want a little boy cousin for this little boy. He is just perfect, aren't you, Brandon? You are the sweetest baby boy ever. Oh, no offence, Joshua," she laughed.

"You are lucky Alice didn't hear that," Jasper growled.

"Oh don't tell her, please," Rose begged.

"So, I imagine the cottage is all ready for us thanks to Alice? Double nursery and all? New clothes for Bella in the main bedroom closet no doubt? Multiple hair care products?"

"I just have one question. This side of Hungary, where on Earth did she get those God awful clothes?" Rose asked, and I laughed.

"That was the idea. She dressed like some gypsy four sizes larger just so nobody would look at her too carefully, including Bree. All Bree saw was frumpy woman with glasses and bad hair in horrid clothes, she never looked at Bella's face once. Anyway, she was usually looking at her own reflection in the mirror. Bella could have worked there in no disguise at all and Bree wouldn't have noticed," I joked ."Bella wanted to come here in her disguise and see if any of you recognised her. See, you all looked away once you saw the mask, you never looked closely at her face, her eyes, her lips. They were all there, all hers."

"So, you got to share your bed with your Bella right under Bree's nose."

"That was the best part, to be honest. Just being with Bella is all I ever wanted. I never wanted the divorce, I never wanted to date Bree and live with her, let alone marry the bitch. I always said I would do anything for Bella and I did. I did everything she asked."

"So Bella had something like this in mind from the start?"

"I guess so, though how it happened was just luck, really. "

Bella's POV

"Okay Alice, spill. You are dying to ask , so go ahead," I said as she slathered some disgusting smelling formula designed to strip dye from one's hair all over my head.

"You are terrible, I cried for you so much and all the time you orchestrated everything."

"What did you see?" I asked.

"You know I only see bits and pieces and some made no sense."

"Specifics."

"When Edward and Bree visited me in hospital, I saw him in a delivery room with twins who looked like you and him but it was Bree on the operating table so I knew she would have his children. That was clear. I couldn't see who was with him, holding the babies. If I'd known it was you, I never would have felt so bad for you two as things seemed to spiral out of control."

"What else?"

"I saw you sitting on a bed, surrounded by little containers of birth control pills. You were taking out the seven sugar pills from each and making up whole containers with them, so whoever took them would only think they were using contraception. I couldn't work it out. You didn't need the Pill."

"They were Bree's of course. God, I flushed away so many of the real Pills, I'm sure the fish out at La Push will never conceive."

"So you planned it from the start?" Alice said.

"Of course. I would never have left Edward in the beginning if there wasn't a chance we could have it all. He wanted kids, Alice, don't fool yourself that he would have been happy long term without them. Adoption just wasn't for him. I figured, if I divorce him, force him into Bree's bed, he gets her pregnant, then we throw money at her and get custody. Or, if she never gets pregnant, because there was a chance her insides would be as screwed as mine after all, then I figured the time we were apart would change his outlook and when we reconciled, he would agree to adopt."

"So, you played him?"

"For his own good. And it's worked out much better than I hoped. I was there, Alice, I held those babies right after he did. I saw them born, I got to name Angelica. It doesn't get better than that ...except it will, next time."

"How far along are you?" she asked and I shook my head and shrugged.

"I only found out last week. We have never used contraceptives, we were told there was no need. I've seen the embryo already on a scan. It's implanted in the right place, there is a good chance we will get a baby out of this. A baby I get to give birth to myself. Our lives will be perfect, Alice. As long as you never tell Edward or anyone else everything I did. He thinks it was Fate. He never wanted to touch her, I had to practically kill him to get him to play along and do my bidding."

"And I know you are sorry for all that. After all, he did sleep with your sister and he may have even enjoyed it for a while."

" Not nearly as much as he liked fucking the Nanny. You can't imagine how turned on he was, taking 'Mariska', the plain and boring nanny and fucking her every location he could think of. He got such a kick when people looked at him, and clearly thought 'yum' then they would look incredulously at me in my disguise and their faces would show shock that he settled for such an unlikely playmate. It was freeing, we did things we had never done as Bella and Edward. Fucked in public, all sorts. He even called me Mariska but he forgot now and then, in the heat of the moment and I made him pay a forfeit every time. I have quite the jewellery collection now."

"Weren't you worried when he was seemingly dating Jane?"

"I trust Edward with my life. He flirted and put his arm around her, and touched her legs in front of me because he knew shit would get wild if he stirred up my jealousy. He would hold her around the thighs whenever he sat down near her and watch my eyes and fucking laugh at me with his eyes...He never so much as kissed the girl on her mouth. He kept her interested but at arms length, and anyway, she knew he was banging me. She got very snitty at times and as for Siobhan, she tried to kick me out but Edward was my employer. It was role playing at it's best and I never went out of character, I even told him off at times for fucking the nanny."

"Nice, so you two had fun and games and I sat here trying to 'see' what the Hell was going on. I expected to find you at the bottom of a cliff or something. You didn't see Edward after you left with Jake. God, Bella, he really suffered."

"I know and we both paid a price to get what we craved. Alice, I had to sleep with Jake. Just once. It was the price he wanted for him to go along and help me with everything. I had to get him onside. It only happened once and I really really hated it. I cried all night afterwards, he was sorry he ever insisted. I have never slept with anyone but Edward before. It was soul destroying and it made me realise what I had forced him to endure."

"So you both paid a high price, and all the time you would have gotten your dearest wish, had you just been PATIENT!" she sighed.

"I tried to conceive for years, before and after the wedding. I stopped contraception right out of High School in fact. I couldn't wait to have Edward's baby inside me. Nothing happened. I really thought it would, especially on our honeymoon. Then nothing again. I tried for another two years then I gave up. I believed the experts. I really thought this was the only way. Anyways, it's done now. All's well that ends well."

"Does Edward know?"

"He knows I slept with someone else. He didn't want to know who and I don't see any good would come from telling him it was Jake. It would hurt him, Alice."

"Oh, I'll never tell. You can't think I would want my niece Renesmee to not have her daddy waiting to deliver her himself in seven months time."

"It's a girl?"

"Yep."

"Renesmee?"

"What can I say, he's going to make it up, mix Renee with Esme. Sorry, but he will insist."

"Then it's a small price to pay. I'm sure I'll get used to it. Ren-es-meeeee. Hmm. I'm glad you gave me the heads up, now I can smile and say 'what a lovely name, Edward' and not puke instead."

"That's what I'm here for, to prevent puking. Guess what, you are not even going to have morning sickness, you lucky cow."

"And the birth?" I cringed.

"Yeah, well, we all pay some way. Make sure you go in early, at the first pain and get a really good epidural," she laughed.

'But everything will be okay? She will be fine?"

"You will both be fine and once the drugs hit, it will actually be a very pleasant experience, very romantic almost. A real Hallmark moment for you both."

I was so glad to hear that. I have paid a price, everytime I think about my Edward sleeping with my sister, I want to cry and go back and wait it out, wait until this little Renesmee was ready to be conceived. Then I remember that night I spent with Jake and know how terribly sad Edward would be if he knew. He and Jake were friends, of a sort and now I have a secret I can never tell him. I know he was hurt a lot about me being with an anonymous someone else, if he ever found out who that man was, it would scar him.

Wishing I knew then what I know now doesn't help, because at the time it seemed like the only solution. If those specialists had given us the slightest hope that one day we would get our own baby, none of this would have happened.

Or one might say, had I not loved Edward so much that I sacrificed our exclusivity to achieve what he needed, what we both wanted, I wouldn't feel so battered now.

I love him more than life, and I know he cried after the first time he went with Bree just as I cried after my time with Jacob.

Life isn't perfect, all we can do is try our best. I truly believed in time the ache of never having his own child would take Edward away from me, and I had to try and save us.

It could have been worse, he could have fallen for Bree. She could have fallen in love with her twins, like any normal mother. I could have gotten pregnant to Jake and really destroyed us.

I didn't know it was even possible at the time so I didn't insist on him using anything.

He waited for me, can you believe that? Jake was a virgin before the only time we were together.

I was shocked when he told me and somehow it made everything worse. I just assumed he slept around because he knew we were never going to be together and he owned that bar and there were women hitting on him all the time.

I don't hate him, he wanted something badly enough to do whatever I asked in exchange for that one night. I didn't quite know back then what it was he would have to do, and he didn't care, he promised to do whatever it took to help me achieve my goal.

I hope he finds a woman worthy of him, I truly do. I know I can trust him because he felt guilty afterwards about touching Edward's wife, even though we were divorced at the time.

I will always be Edward's wife.

Our second wedding was the opposite to the first, just us and a celebrant but he couldn't wait until we got back home, so I agreed and it was special and meaningful but when this lot realise , there will be at the very least a party with full bells and whistles and maybe even a reaffirmation of vows.

Alice finally washed my hair and it was better. The perm was relaxed and the black gone, nothing could be done about the length until it grew out at it's own pace and everyone approved of the new sleek straight shoulder length bob, and Edward immediately ran his fingers through it.

I'm such a lucky woman, so few men would consider doing the things I asked of him, he did it all for me.

There's no way I will even try to change his mind about this baby's name, I would agree even if he wanted Tinkerbelle or Goldilocks, truth be told. He will be so happy but then, he will also be sad that we didn't know this could happen, and we didn't just wait.

I feel like God is telling me, see here, Bella. I had a plan all along. You tried to outwit me, now I get to show you it's Me in charge, not you. Despite your stupidity, I am still sending you another little soul to love and raise, and you always had three in mind as the best number of children to have. There you are, you have them.

"Hey, let's go home. We can catch up with everyone tomorrow. I just want us all in our own home again. Come on, pry the babies out of these women's hands," Edward suggested and we took Angel and Brandon and went to the cottage.

The nursery was perfect and our bed beckoned and we fell asleep in one another's arms once again.

Dawn found us feeding two hungry babies who slept almost all night, and we sat together and watched the sunrise over the meadow.

"It was worth it, I do agree now. There were so many times I didn't think so, but here, now, it was worth it," Edward said and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Let's put this pair back to bed," I said and we walked to the nursery and lay them in their cribs. Edward smiled down at them and took my hand. "Thank you, Bella."

I lead him back to bed and gathered up my courage.

"Edward, you always planned on three children, right."

He looked at me incredulously. "Uh uh, there's NO WAY IN HELL, anyway, Bree had her tubes tied. Don't be insane,."

"Not Bree, me."

"What? There's now some way we can have a baby? After all that? I don't want you to risk your health to do IVF, all those drugs, no, two's fine."

"No, Edward. Your little excursions to the park for outdoor sex, or my visits to your bedroom...hey, how come you never came to my bedroom?"

"God, I hated that room. All those horrible clothes everywhere and the books, no hint of Bella anywhere. I almost saw you as a completely other woman when I walked into that room."

"Oh, so I would never have seduced you in my Mariska bed?"

"I won't say never but I enjoyed the great outdoors and the roof sex, and up against the glass, and the trees," he said kissing me again.

"Hey, wait, what were you saying before we got off track."

"Edward, I'm pregnant. You impregnated me in central park which may be a misdemeanor or worse. I'm sure it's against city ordinances."

"You are pregnant? We are going to have a baby? After all the pain and Hell and crap we went through, we were always capable of being parents anyway? That's just...fucked."

"Are you really mad?"

"No, of course not, it's just , I dunno, weird. If we had just waited..."

"Yeah but we didn't. It's done now, we weren't to know."

"I guess not. And how far along..."

"Edward, it's yours. There's no doubt, I'm only just pregnant."

"Okay good, because that would have sucked big time."

He has NO idea. It would be impossible to mistake Jake's child as anything but Jake's child, surely.

"I never want to know anything, no details. I know how bad I felt being with Bree, I don't want to ever have to imagine anything about him, whoever he was. I still wonder why it all had to happen. We were golden, now we have lost a little of that sheen."

"I think we will get it back, in time. We have us, we have the kids, and we have a new baby to look forward to."

"Fuck this will blow everybody's mind. Except Alice's of course. I wonder why she couldn't have seen this, way back when it would have been useful to know."

"She doesn't get to choose what she sees, or how much. She's seen this baby and it's going to be fine, Edward. Do you want to know?"

"Nope, we have one of each, let me find out at the delivery. Unless you tell me in your sleep, there's always that possibility."

Fuck, sleep talking. I really wish there was a cure.

Edward placed his hand on my belly and kissed my lips.

"We are still golden, baby. We will make it."

"I love you,Edward."

"I love you too, my Bella."

We curled up and slept again and it did feel golden, just us and our assorted children, in our cottage, by our meadow.

Edward's POV

I know it was me who said I never wanted any details but lying there in the dark one night a few weeks later, I admit I was shocked when Bella told me everything anyway. She was fast asleep and I was smiling at first when she started to mumble, then she spilled the details of that single encounter she had when we were divorced and it threw me. I don't know why, I had wrestled with the knowledge someone else had been with my Bella for a while now and I thought I had it under control. Hearing her cry and feeling her shake as she choked out everything made me have to reach out and hold her until she stopped crying and settled back into dreamland.

Jacob?

I mean, I knew it was someone, and we had played Bree and gotten what we wanted and Bella had to cope from the start with knowing I was having sex with her own twin sister but still, Jacob?

I don't know whether it's better or worse than hearing it was some random stranger whose face I would never see in my mind.

I'm surprised he asked that of her, that his price to help was so high, but then, why not? He had always wanted her, and I guess when the one opportunity arose where he could actually be with her, he took it. I'm sure he knew it was the only chance he would ever have, and he is human.

If the situation were reversed, if she had chosen Jake back in High School, and I had waited and watched them together and then something similar had occurred and they'd split up, would I have slept with her in return for my help? I'd like to think I am a better man than that, but events have proven that wrong. I actually quite enjoyed some of those nights with Bree before my conscience forced me to leave her alone again.

I guess I would have taken advantage in his shoes.

I reached over and grabbed a cigarette and then realised I couldn't smoke in here, near her, near our baby, and walked outside in the cold night air and thought about how I was coping with this.

Nothing can break us apart again, that goes without saying but fuck...

I sat down on the back step and exhaled the smoke into the air and watched it dissipate.

"You know. I talked," a voice from behind me said and I turned and held out a hand so she could sit down beside me.

Her little body shivered and I put my arm around her. "It's okay. I knew it was somebody, I guess at least it wasn't some stranger and he loves you."

"Do you hate me for it?" she asked.

"Bella, I could never hate you. A don't get any ideas about marching out and leaving me again because I seriously will tie you up and put you in the basement before I let that happen."

"Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"Tell me the absolute truth. Did it mean anything to you?"

"No, and I didn't want it to happen and I cried all night afterwards."

"Yeah, been there myself. Do you love him, on any level?"

"Only as a friend. Nothing like I love you."

"Then of course I forgive you. Come inside before you freeze," I said, grinding the butt out and putting it in the tin can on the ledge, kept there for just this purpose.

We lay in bed and she began crying in earnest, in that way that broke my heart.

"Hey, we can dwell on this tonight, for one single night, but then we have to both let it go. We knew from the start we had to sacrifice certain things to achieve our goal and this is just one more payment we had to make. I love you, Bella. I know you love me. I know so much of what we did was wrong and foolish but nothing can alter what we are and how much we love one another. Don't let this leave a scar on us. We need a new beginning. Let's renew our vows in the meadow and draw a line under this fuckery and be just us, just Bella and Edward again."

We both cried that night, for what we'd risked, for what we'd paid, and finally in the early hours I felt Bella stir in my arms and kissed her gently and smoothed the hair away from her face. She was quiet and somber and it was time to end this shame of hers and move on. I hovered above her and oh so tenderly pushed inside her beautiful body and we let it all go and made love in silence, no more apologies, no more trespassers in between us, we were just us again. She smiled as she gazed deep into my eyes and saw only acceptance and truth and unconditional love gazing back at her.

"Relax, baby, let it go, come for me," I encouraged and she kissed me and allowed herself to feel what I was saying and we came together and lay there with our arms and legs tangled and our hearts truly connected again.

When the twins woke and we sat together feeding them in the early dawn, I have to admit it was worth it.

We still have us, we still are who we were, we just needed a little time.

Not space, this was something we had needed to go through together and make our peace with.

The next time I met Jake face to face, I had truly finally came to terms with everything. I hadn't needed a place to escape from life anymore, but I had to see him. I assured Bella it was going to be alright, and kissed her and the babies before heading out the door. I went to the tavern, where he had returned to a while ago, and went up to the bar and faced him.

"Jacob," I nodded.

"Edward. Drink?"

"Sure. A booth?"

He warily took the usual bottle and glasses and followed me over.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I just...you know I have loved her forever. You know she never saw me that way. I just needed one night.."

"Jake, you may not believe this but I understand. I truly do. I would have done the same in your place."

"Whoa. Really?"

"Absolutely. We both love her and she chose me a long time ago and I know your feelings never changed, never went away. You are human. She made you a deal and you took it."

"I feel so conflicted. I mean, I'm sorry for touching your wife and even though you were divorced, let's not kid ourselves, she was always your wife. But there she was, alone, scared about what she had started, with no friends to even talk to. Normally I would have managed to just be there for her as a friend but...what can I say? I always wanted her, Edward. I had never touched a girl, because there was no substitute for Bella, and suddenly there she is, willing to spend one single night with me, and it was more than I could resist. I know most of it was because she was trying to come to terms with you sleeping with Bree, on some level she wanted to balance the scale but not in a vindictive way, she just hurt.

And she knew she could never offer herself to a stranger, and there I was, willing as always and somehow at that moment it seemed okay. It seemed to be about us, me and her, like this had always had to happen. Of course she regretted it and I felt like such a bastard for taking advantage of her and I will never tell anyone. And it goes without saying, I will never touch her again. But there's still that little part of me that has finally been able to close that part of my heart off now, that smaller half that she owns and always has, and move on. I'm dating a girl I met up with again after I came back. She lives right here in town, her name's Vanessa and I think already just maybe she is my One, Edward. I knew her before and was attracted to her but after the thing with Bella was done, I guess I'm finally able to see people differently. Stop comparing every girl to her, and find them wanting. I finally know Bella is not mine and never will be and being together proved that. So, all I can add is, I'm truly sorry I betrayed you, I know you always trusted me to make the right choices with her and I accept you will probably never forgive me, but know I understand that. "

"Jake, it really is okay. At least this way she knows too, and she will never look back and wonder if you would have been the better choice for her. That night only confirmed in her mind that she truly was mine so I can hardly hate you for that. What she and I did was insane and now she's carrying our child...well, fuck knows why it ever happened, but we have Angel and Brandon and I could never wish them away. We are a family. I came to ask you a favor."

He looked both shocked and puzzled.

"Anything, just ask."

"Would you be Bella's Best Man at our renewal of vows next week? I have Jasper and Emmett and Carlisle standing up for me, if you would be there for my wife, with Rose and Alice, that would kind of round things off. You could bring Vanessa to meet everyone and we can all let everything go and move on."

"You know, I would be honored to be her Best man."

"It's just a title Jake. I'll always be the best man in her heart."

"Amen to that, brother. Vanessa wants to meet you all. She knows Bella and I have always been friends, and nothing more, and she can't wait to get to know the whole Cullen clan, I guess I talk about you all a bit."

"Cool, then we shall see you there. I'll be the one at the top of the aisle watching my Bella come home to me finally, forever."

"And I'll be the one at her side, bringing her to you and truly knowing this is how it was always meant to be."

X~x~X

Charlie walked up the aisle in the famous tux, his favorite daughter on his arm, and a grudging smile on his face as Bella smiled at him, then she searched for me and immediately there it was, the pull, the need, the coming together of two souls yet again.

I couldn't help but smile widely, seeing her walking towards me. She is my everything, my heart, my soul, my reason for existing. Everything feels right, and how it should be.

Charlie looks confused, resigned, and manages a half smile half warning as he hands her over again and I get it. He's telling me he is trusting me to never fuck up again, and I won't.

Bella is wearing the same dress she wore the first time we got married and this time she needs the looseness of the gown, the unfitted skirt to accommodate the baby we have wanted all our lives.

Angel and Brandon lose no importance because of this little girl inside my Bella, they are as much ours as she is, but it's still finally how it should have been from the start, my wife standing beside me, promising to love me forever, something I can never doubt again, and to keep herself only for me.

I promise the same vows, and we both mean it and know we do. We have both changed and grown up and accepted our faults and our challenges have brought us closer.

"


	11. Chapter 11

The Nanny  
>Epilogue<p>

Renesmee's naming day arrives and everything that can go wrong seems to. The washing machine has flooded the laundry room and Mom is madly mopping up, the twins are staggering about, falling and Angel has the ends of a black eye still fading from when she toddled into Brandon and fell down onto the coffee table. They seem to have an unspoken rule to always walk off in opposite directions and there's no way one person can handle all three of our children.  
>I'm working but only part time, only as a locum, filling in if Fork's Hospital needs me desperately but mainly I'm a house husband and Mother's helper.<br>Renesmee sleeps through the night normally but last night she decided she wanted to test the power of her lungs and screamed for hours, testing us both. Bella walked the floor with her then I took over and there's something very grounding about being sleep deprived and absolutely worn out and you are standing there begging that small but so powerful infant to please, please, just sleep. You really know who is in charge at moments like that.  
>The minute the sun rose, Renesmee dropped into almost a coma and Bella even bathed and dressed her still slumbering.<br>So, we parents are dead on our feet and very grateful that Alice was in charge of organizing this day because chances are, had we done it, it would be dry bread and water for all, only I forgot to buy the bread.  
>Our littlest angel is sleeping in my arms as Bella attempts to tie my tie around my neck, and I grab for Brandon who is trying to drink from the dog's water dish, and Angel collapses onto her well padded rump and bursts into loud, pathetic tears.<br>"Fuck, I cannot believe you two actually wanted this life," Bree says, walking inside uninvited. It's the first time any of us have seen her since we left New York, and she hasn't changed, it appears. She's dressed like an expensive whore and has more make up on her face than Bella wears in an entire year and she actually steps over one of the babies she gave birth to, ignoring Angel's distress.  
>Bella scoops our older daughter up and kisses away her tears and turns to face her sister.<br>"This is what we wanted, and we love it. Every single second of it," she says firmly, leaving no doubt she means every word.  
>"Fuck me, be careful what you wish for is all I can say. Here, I bought the new kid a dress, the sales lady chose it for me. Congrats or whatever. I probably should have bought a card but the sympathy cards were the only ones that seemed to be fitting and I knew Edward couldn't take a joke," she sighed and cleared off a chair to sit on.<br>Sure, the cottage is in a muddle and it's not unusual, we rarely get to see the floor boards these days with the mess of toys and toddler shoes, and the strollers and baby gear everywhere.  
>"So, where's the booze?" she asks and Esme frowns and accidentally drips water from the mop onto Bree's expensive red soled shoes as she walks through the room.<br>"Ooops, sorry, I hope they weren't expensive," she says with almost genuine sounding regret.  
>Bree stands and heads outside, scowling and Bella and Esme high five and laugh.<br>My Mom stows the mop and picks up Brandon and kisses his fat little cheeks and smooths his auburn curls down with her hand.  
>Bella sits Angel on the table and coaxes her long brown hair into two little piggytails and ties pink ribbons around them and asks her nicely not to pull them out until after the ceremony.<br>Jake and a newly pregnant Vanessa walk in and we all call out words of congratulations at the good news. He holds out a hand and I shake it, then I hand him his Goddaughter and he smiles and turns to show Renesmee to Vanessa. My arms are finally empty and ache from hours of baby holding but I walk to Bella and encircle her from behind and nuzzle her neck.  
>Alice comes in and picks up Angel and they all walk outside into the blessedly sunny day and leave just the two of us alone for a precious moment.<br>"You look amazing and you smell like Heaven," I whisper and Bella turns and kisses me.  
>Finding time for one another is not easy but we both know these wonderful early days will fly by in a flash and we want to enjoy them.<br>"You look good enough to eat," she answers, and her arms encircle my neck.  
>"Bella! Edward! Stop fucking and get outside," Emmett hollers crudely and we sigh and hold hands as we join the others and the celebrant officially names our newest daughter.<br>Renesmee is a female version of me, the first to go against the trend of the granddaughters all taking after their mother's, and I wonder if we ever have another son, would he look like Bella?  
>I know the odds are long that we will ever managed to conceive again but, hey, we did it once, so there is always hope.<br>I don't dwell on it, three kids are enough.  
>Pregnant Rose is smiling and I know her secret. Baby number two is a boy and she is going to announce that fact to everyone, including Emmett, as soon as we all sit down to eat at the long tables arranged out here in the meadow.<br>There are children everywhere and Bree keeps well away, glass in hand, looking impatiently at her watch, no doubt she has somewhere else to be.  
>Finally the speeches are over, the kids are in their cribs napping and Bella is sitting on my lap, running her fingers through my hair.<br>"Hey, that tree over to the right, I don't believe we have ever leaned up against it and made use of it's support," I whisper and my wife blushes.  
>I love that she still wants me and we do sneak out here sometimes when all three babies are napping but today we have an audience of fifty friends and family members so we can only make plans, not act them out.<br>All I ever wanted is mine now and we don't have regrets, because we have one another. Bella manages to sneak a hand downwards and massages the bulge in my pants and I shut my eyes and rest my chin on the top of my head and wish all these people would go home.  
>"Hey, guess what, Jessica and I have finally got our shit together and decided to have a baby," Mike says, walking up and shaking my hand. Bella smiles and greets him, kissing his cheek and still tormenting me under the cover of the tablecloth.<br>I try to look interested as he explains they have both admitted to their various indiscretions throughout both their marriages and apparently all that is behind them now and they are ready to be grown-ups and play by the rules.  
>Jess is talking to Bree and clearly by Bree's face she is disgusted to lose Jessica to the side of good and decent, her options for friends who think and behave as she does have seriously shrunk. Good, maybe she will stay in New york with her fashionable skanks who lunch from now on. I suspect Charlie invited her today, in the hope she would see how happy Bella and I are and maybe then she would consider there could be more to life than fucking random men whose names she doesn't bother to ask. There's no chance of that, the woman was born without a heart so nobody can ever win it.<br>"Oh no, I have that thing in the oven, Edward, come help me get it out," Bella says and she walks in front of me so nobody sees my problem.  
>"What's this thing in the oven then?" I ask as she locks our backdoor and flops facedown over the back of the sofa, opening her legs and I flip up her dress over her back and discover naughty Bella has forgotten her panties yet again. I really should stop buying her underwear, she rarely wears it.<br>I unzip carefully and release myself and slip inside her and she pushes back against me as I roughly thrust inside, too needy to be gentle.  
>"Oh fuck me hard, fuck yes," she cries and I obey.<br>Such Heavenly sensations fill us as I fill her, and she clutches as a throw cushion and bites it, threatening to rip the cover to shreds as she muffles her screams.  
>I pant and hold her hips firmly as my own orgasm pulses out of control deep inside her and a knock sounds on the fortunately locked door.<br>"Bella, we need more glasses, can I get that boxful Charlie gave you guys for your last wedding?" my sister calls through the wooden barricade and then she stops talking and gasps. "Shit, sorry, didn't see that coming. Well I guess I did see that coming. I mean, I didn't realise..."  
>We both laugh and I withdraw from my wife and slap her backside playfully.<br>"Naughty girls who forget their knickers have to be punished and the minute this crowd leaves, you are in big trouble, missy," I warn her.  
>Bella disappears into the bathroom and I hurriedly clean up and zip myself up and wash my hands at the kitchen sink before unlocking the door and letting a red faced Alice in to get the glasses.<br>"You pair are so bad," she growls, quickly rinsing the glasses, and I take up a teatowel and dry them.  
>"She nearly had me releasing under the table, be glad we came inside to finish," I reply.<br>"So, what did she have in the oven anyway?" Alice asks.  
>"Probably nothing yet seeing it took so many years for him to put Renesmee in there but we have to practice just in case, give any future babies the opportunity to get inside me," Bella answers, stacking the clean glasses onto a tray.<br>Alice stills and the water runs over her hands unnoticed. When she rejoins us she grins.  
>"Twin boys, lucky it takes you five years to get them started. And I see it takes a hell of a lot of outdoor tree fucking to get things going. Be careful, some trees have very rough bark, Bella. God knows Jasper has scratched up my back on occasion. That big birch tree at Mom and dads, forget it."<br>"That tree is in full view of the sitting room window," I state in disbelief.  
>"Yeah, Jasper likes things edgy. Dad shut the curtains the time he caught us at it. It was so funny, Mom walked into the room and we could hear her asking him why on Earth he would be shutting out what little sun we got here. He told her to leave them shut for her own peace of mind."<br>Good to know we are not the only nature lovers. I have developed quite a taste for outdoor sex since my 'affair' with 'Mariska' in New York. That woman had hidden talents. You can never judge a book by it's cover, or it's hideous Ethnic clothing. She allowed Bella to forget who she was and just be the slutty nanny and I have to say, I kind of fell in love with that woman.  
>"Whats the smile about?" Alice asks and I snap back to the present.<br>"I dare say he is reminiscing about a certain glass workout room he used to fuck a certain nanny against. He wants to build one here even though I have pointed out it would be at ground level and the hikers would get an eyeful."  
>"Why should the hikers miss out on what all the tenants in that taller condo next door got to watch? So many women sipping their coffee as they perved on us, and a few men no doubt got their rocks off watching out their bedroom windows."<br>Bella blanched then blushed bright red.  
>"I only ever thought about people looking up from the street below. I figured we were too high up to be noticeable, I never ever considered the neighboring buildings."<br>"And I never pointed it out because I loved how you were so wild and unselfconscious."  
>"Not me, Bella would never be such a tart, it was Mariska. That woman was a sex crazed spinster," Bella growled.<br>"I wouldn't mind dating her again, she rocked my world," I grinned.  
>"Edward you don't like sex without love, and you didn't love her. You swore you have only ever loved me."<br>"I confess I may have loved her just a little," I replied, holding my thumb and finger several inches apart.  
>The hugs and congratulations start after Rose tells us all about the boy, and Emmett is beyond proud and thrilled, as he shakes hands grinning like he just won a Nobel prize. Rose hugs Bella, who immediately pulls out an empty chair and invites her to sit down.<br>"So, do you have his name chosen?" she asks and I wonder why she cares.  
>"I am not sure but maybe an 'E' name. Or an 'R' name, it's just Nattie was named after me and I suppose I should chose something that kind of includes Emmett's name in some way. Why?"<br>"I just want to reserve two names for our future sons."  
>I grin, she is so funny. So fucking sweet but so crazy at times. That is five years away, does she really think she will still like he same two names by the time our twin boys are born?<br>"Spill, what tow names are off the list?" Rose asks.  
>"Rob and Ryan," my wife announces and I scowl. Oh I see, she wants to name MY sons after HER two celebrity crushes. I guess I can just hope both those actors will disappear off the popular actors polls by then.<br>"Then I get to name our next daughter Reese," I warn her.  
>"Future daughter? Alice said there were just twin boys."<br>"Yeah, well, she didn't know how you would cope with knowing we have a daughter before those boys are even a year old."  
>Bella huffs and I smile and kiss her forehead, as I stand to get her something medicinal to drink.<br>"Reese Mariska Jane Cullen," I smirk and she growls.  
>Six kids, that should really ensure Bree never crosses our threshold again and that can only be a good thing. I'm surprised to see Charlie deep in conversation with Bree, as he has a lot of issues with her and I hope things don't get bad here in front of everyone. She isn't looking angry, and their conversation finishes on a quiet note and Bree heads for her car. She doesn't bother to wave even or say goodbye to anyone, including the twins.<br>How she can just pretend they were never inside her, and not her own children is great for us but so unnatural it's scary. At the moment we have no plans to ever tell Angel and Brandon the truth ever, as knowing someone that cold and unfeeling was my mother would really fuck me up and my kids do not deserve that heartache.  
>Most people here think Bella had the twins herself, we have never elaborated and as we three all left Forks almost together, nobody but Jessica and Mike know, outside the family, and they would never tell.<br>We will just rewrite history and never lie, other than by omission. If they ever ask straight out, I guess then we will tell them, but what excuses we can invent for her complete callous disinterest in them, I have no clue.  
>Charlie actually walks up and offers what may be a solution of sorts.<br>"Your father, Carlisle, was telling me about his friends in Alaska, they have some business up there that reels in a really high income. He suggested Bree might like to go work for them. He thinks she would love the job and maybe stay long term."  
>I know her drug habits have eroded her settlement and I had heard the condo was on the market, maybe she needs to get out of NYC. It wouldn't surprise me to learn she had ruffled up a few feathers that won't calm back down and just ignore her presence there. She always has this thing for politicians so things may have gotten a little nasty. Maybe she is here because she can't show her face there.<br>I know who he is referring to. Strangely Carlisle knows a family of three girls who set up a cat house in Alaska, they probably would welcome someone with Bree's appetite for fucking random men, and if they pay her handsomely, and feed her addictions, it's quite possible she will never come back. That way the children will never know there even was an Auntie Bree.  
>Carlisle tried to help these girls but they love their careers, and there are plenty of lonely men under the Northern Lights who enjoy paying for a little female companionship and let's face it, Bree will be up for anything they desire.<br>Renee and her husband Phil arrive late and apologetic and Bella greets her mother more warmly than the woman deserves. My mother-in-law looks me over and does her cougar smile and I make sure to hold out a hand for a handshake before she can pull me in for a hug. I just don't really like the woman.  
>Maybe her desertion of Bree was why the girl has such a cold heart. Or maybe she just inherited Renee's selfishness.<br>Bella's mother has never attended any of our special occasions, not our first wedding, nor our reaffirmation, nothing. She gives up trying to paw me as I keep Bella firmly between her body and mine, and I see her drift to Charlie's side, and Charlie quickly grabs Sue Clearwater and introduces the attractive widow as his 'date' and 'girlfriend', to Sue's surprise but she catches on and drapes herself all over Charlie, to our amusement.  
>I have no doubt our lives and our families will be happy and fulfilling and our future is already known, six kids. God, how many years of walking the floor remain? Like I would ever want anything different.<br>So, we get these three off to school, then the next three arrive, and little Rob, Ryan and Reesie get their babyhood here in this cottage.  
>Oh, note to self, extend cottage, maybe double it's size. Maybe build a third story...with a roof garden and workout room? Maybe that workout room needs walls of glass...<br>Now where's my architect, and the local builder, I know they are here somewhere.  
>We need to talk.<p>

THE END  
>That's all folks, thanks for reading! Weirdly it already feels like I finished this ages ago because I'm so into The One Night Stand already. My brain truly is ADD.<p> 


End file.
